Chies
(Disregard my bedhead and lack of make up. I snapped these like Cher from Clueless to get an idea of how I'd look.
When I feel insecure it's as though mirrors can't be trusted).
As the overwhelming majority of my outfits indicate, I tend to avoid clingy silhouettes on my lower half. I'd rather put on a tent dress that creates a potato-esque shape than wear something that hugs me all over. But tonight I am going with some friends to a place I wouldn't normally go. And both the scene and the dress code indicate that I would fit with the crowd if I wore something tight. Although my body image is usually sound, I'm also human. And on occasion (on a bad self esteem day) the mere thought of wearing something tight on my lower half gives me a pang of panic. My body insecurities stem mostly from the span of my hips and thighs, both of which are functional (making my irrationality feel even more silly when I confront it and think it through). In fact the realization that every bathing suit I'd buy would still expose those parts led me to start wearing bikinis (despite inhabiting what most would deem a decidedly un-bikini body). Realizing my own irrationality makes me interested in wearing this dress. Of course, it's possible that I will cave and wear a girlie, comfortingly full skirt. Still the opportunity to break out of my comfort zone is tempting.
I bought this dress a few years ago when I was feeling relatively body confident. Although my shape hasn't changed that much in the interim, I never wore it out of my house. It's so silly to hang on to something because you like the idea of it more so than how it looks on you. But I can't get rid of this dress. I altered its length to my body. And I *want* to feel like it is something I can wear, regardless of the number on the scale or the size on the tag. I believe in health at any size. And I know if I saw another woman wearing it, I would think "hot dress!" It is just that I have never been the kind of gal who wears hot dresses. Plus wearing it would be in defiance of "the rules" for dressing a body my size. Rules with which I strongly disagree. Rules that make women of all sizes feel inadequate. I want to be the sort of person who is comfortable defying rules that make women feel irrationally bad about their able and healthy bodies. But can the mere act of wearing a dress (that, lets face it, conforms to sexy and even sexist standards) even accomplish such a thing? I know I am over thinking. But that is my way...
Are there shapes and silhouettes to which you gravitate or favor in your dressing? If given an occasion to try something new with little risk (beyond the confrontation of your own admittedly irrational hangups), would you take it? And can the act of wearing a tight dress on a non-model frame do anything more than conform to/confirm ideals that are sexist anyway?
34 comments:
Thanks so much for this post, Jess. Your words expressed exactly what I've been feeling about a certain "tight" dress hanging in my own closet.
And I know this is uber nerdy but I wanted to share this quote with you:
"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." - Alan Cohen
p.s. You look sexy in the most classy of ways, lady! (:
Thank you, Laura. I do think that the idea of an ample non-model figure in a tight dress can offer a similar form of sartorial expression as an ample non model figure in sack shapes (since you're "supposed" to be exceedingly lithe to wear them). But this option gave me anxiety. I did wear it and was surprised by how fun it was to dress so differently from my comfortable full skirts.
Carol, your compliments are very sweet. I worry that this post came off as fishing. I was trying to keep myself honest about my comfort zone and learn about others. But the kind words definitely helped me leave the house in that dress last night. So thank you!
I feel like I recall having seen you in pencil skirts (perhaps in reviews) and they looked dynamite. Wear that unworn piece because you have a fantastic figure!
Thank you Gretchen! It was fun to do something different from my norm. But I also am very much about finding a style you like and going with it. And I respect and admire you so much for finding stuff you love and that looks awesome on you.
Thank you Terri! I think your experiments with length have been really successful because you always look great! I wore it out last night and had a blast!
I totally know what you mean, Beth! I don't feel like I have a personality or an attitude that can pull off overtly sexy (via clothing). But it was fun to try something new. Thank you for reading!
YES! I too am a big proponent of wearing oversized and blousey proportions even though they go against WNTW (and other) style rules about dressing to look your slimmest. Why does dressing for your shape always have to involve some ultimate goal of thin (therefore making the body a work in progress or some sort of project rather than something valued for its abilities and its current status)? It seems unproductive if a goal is to feel confident at any size. Thank you so much for your thoughts and input!
Thank you Dessert Flower! I do think we can be our own worst and harshest critics. And like you said unless we draw attention verbally to flaws they will likely go unnoticed. It's exciting to hear you've been playing with shapes and trying new things!
Thank you, Cynthia! It is stretchy as all get-out (thankfully). So it is actually quite comfortable! I wore it (rules and anxieties be damned!) and actually felt pretty darn good.
Thank you, Sharon! Worrying last night about VPL was something kind of new for me (at least while wearing a dress). haha I wore it out and am glad I did.
Thank you April and Maya! I had heard of the phrase "wiggle dress" but didn't realize I had one in my closet. I do admire them in old movies (and on Joan Holloway).
Thank you Midory. I really appreciate your vote of confidence. I hope it didn't seem like I was compliment fishing in my post. But I definitely felt better about wearing the dress out last night thanks to the things you said.
Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts, Trudy! That seamstress probably could have been a bit more tactful. But I think you always look fantastic so whatever you do, it works. You have a dynamite figure so that helps. :)
We would love to see you before you leave. Keep us posted on whether there will be a night out for drinks to send you off properly. Congratulations on the position, btw! I think I have already said that but just in case I haven't, it is a fantastic opportunity in which I am sure you will excel!
i think this dress looks amazing on you!!!
Jess, you look stunning in that dress. In all seriousness - absolutely amazing. I'm so glad you'll be wearing it out. It's just fantastic. I'm not terribly comfortable in body-conscious dresses either. Anything that hugs my backside tends to make me want to put it back and try something else on. But you look so good, and I know you're so right so maybe I'll give it a go. There IS this skirt that's been sitting unworn (though tried on a few times) in my closet for the past year...
It's so funny how two people can look at the same thing so differently. I think you look great and I think the dress is very flattering. It's feminine and sexy, but tasteful. Moreover, it hugs the curves (hips) and makes your waist look tiny (even after a 5 course meal). The neck is beautiful, too. Obviously, you shouldn't adhere to silly made-up rules and wear whatever you like and feel comfortable in, but I think you should try more silhouettes like this. Seriously, you look fabulous. I'm not a big risk-taker when it comes to fashion, but I think it's important to step out of your comfort zone every once in a while. You might discover something you didn't know before...thanks for sharing!
Hey there; I have been obsessed with this dress for a while and I just wanted to ask what size you purchased in it! You and I have a very similar body type & I would guess I'm about one size larger than you. Thanks for your time! You look absolutely darling in this retro style!
After having three kids, I definitely gravitate towards a shape that's forgiving of my midsection. Unfortunately, I'm not a big fan of babydoll tops and dresses, especially since I'm 5'3". I've been favoring shirts tucked into A-line or pencil skirts and flowy tops over jeans lately.
I guess I would try a new silhouette but I wouldn't want to feel self-conscious. I think I would need to get used to it first. I just started tucking my shirts into my skirts earlier this year and I was pleasantly surprised at how flattering it was to my figure.
As for the tight dress question, I guess it would depend on how comfortable I was. If I'm constantly adjusting and readjusting my skirt or top throughout the night, the tight dress would just be a pain. If not, why not? The dress looks great on you, btw. =)
I think it looks amazing on you! Great find!
This dress looks GREAT on you! Seriously, you have a great figure and you are all Joan Holloway retro sexy in this.
You look amazing in that dress--and that dress looks amazing on you. I hope that you wear it.
that dress is very flattering on you . Only YOU see YOUR hangups. And please smile :-) in your photos - it goes a long way in conveying the confidence you should feel in that dress
you look GREAT, have a michelle obama thing going on :D I think you look hot, but that's just me :)
I like things that accentuate my butt or boobs, that way no one looks at my chubby tummy. I HATE my legs, so I try to not show those too much, but generally don't let it stop me from wearing skirts/dresses/shorts
WOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! you look absolutely AMAZING!! This dress was like made for you!!! I think that its crazy that you wouldnt wear something "clinggy" specially because you have this hourglass siloughette that any girl will give an arm for!!! But i would be a hipocrate if I told you that I dont have these horrible insecurities!!!
Let me list for you the reasons why I feel this dress looks great:
1. the material is not a jersey or a clingy looking material, it looks well structured.
2. the proportions of the dress fit your body very well such as shoulder to waist. The torso looks perfect.
3. the knee length makes you look so classy and sophisticated yet seductive.
4. you did a great job with the size of the belt because it brings in your attention to the waist!! its perfect!
Thanks Jess! I guess I am pretty open to trying new silhouettes and styles.
I grew up with a fixed notion of what someone with my size, shape, and colouring should wear (blame it on too many teen fashion magazines--no horizontal stripes or flat shoes for this gal!). But that all changed when I was a bridesmaid for my best friend back in 2006. I went in to be measured for my dress, but when the dress came back it did not fit at all (to the extent that they re-checked the measurements assuming that there had been a clerical error). Turns out, that the dress fit perfectly fine in the few places that they had actually measured, but no where else. One of the more experienced seamstresses then came in and gave hell to the girl who had taken the measurements, and I remember her words very clearly: "Has no one ever told you that the rules go out the window when the client is under five feet tall and has the waist of a pre-pubescent boy." (I don't think I was actually supposed to hear that part but I was on the other side of a very thin dressing room curtain!) Anyways, the end result was that I got to have a very nice conversation with the seamstress and I got a crash course in Dressing for your Non-traditional Body Type.
Armed with notion that nothing off the rack was actually going to fit me properly, I became a lot more adventurous in making my clothes choices; I try on a lot more things even if I assume that it won't fit or be the right "look" for me. I've also become adept at unpicking and re-stiching seams! I'm certainly no trend-setter, but I very much enjoy the things that I wear because I've made an active decision to wear them, not because I have been told by current trends that I should look good in them. For me, body confidence is being able to dictate for myself the things that do, or do not look good on me. This has led to some comical and memorable failures, but c'est la vie... I'm happy.
And we really want to see you guys before I leave for Tokyo at the end of the month!
I actually think that silhouette is perfect for your body type. That shape is called a wiggle dress for a reason. They're made for women with curves. You look great!
Jess I love that dress on you! I also am self conscious about the lower half of my body since I'm pear shaped and that's why I wear skirts/dresses most of the time. I used to do pencil skirts but then got hooked onto A line and fuller skirts b/c I didn't have to worry so much about vpl lol. If the dress is comfortable and you don't have to keep messing with it (to pull it down, etc) then I say go for it. You look fabulous and I hope you feel fabulous in it as well!
Hot dress! :) Is it comfortable on you? I have minor body image concerns (mostly centered around having a thickish waist and a little belly) and I tend to feel more comfortable wearing fitted dresses if they are stretchy and won't wrinkle or show fabric stress that highlights areas that I don't want to call attention to. As long as the dress won't pull somewhere and make you self-conscious, I say, go for it, because from here it looks fab.
This dress is very flattering to your curves. I love it on you.
I'm pretty brave with clothes lately. I am definitely more willing to try things outside whatni normally gravitate to and in many cases I've been pleasantly surprised.
Besides, like a previous poster noted, often it's only us individually that notice the perceived flaw or shape issue or concern. They are usually things others don't notice about us unless we point them out!
I'm very much of the opinion, "wear whatever you want to wear". Lately, I'm gravitating more towards clothing in blousy and over-sized silhouettes, a little because of the comfort factor and a lot because of the 'rule' that only slim people can wear over-sized clothing without looking like they're trying to "hide" something. I feel like I'm challenging that old style motto of dressing for your shape. I wear what I want to wear and what I like. I'm open to trying new clothing and styles because I like playing with fashion and perceptions of fashion.
I read your blog frequently and am very much attracted to similar silhouettes as the ones you choose. I think I just don't have a personality or persona that feels comfortable in "sexy" clothes and feel more confident when I feel comfy. Either way, you look smashing in that dress!
I know that I have challenged my own ideas about length in the past year...so I encourage you to wear the dress OUT of the front door at least once. You may be in for a delightful surprise. It's a flattering dress.
amazing!!! you look stunning. the dress is perfect for you.
and i totally hear you on gravitating towards certain silhouettes...i am the POSTER girl for that !!!
I know you weren't fishing for compliments, and perhaps it is conforming to those sexist ideals of how women should look to say this, but you look very nice in that dress, anyway. As to your question, rebellion starts internally. Nudge yourself out of that comfort zone of full skirted silhouettes.
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