5 Years

It's hard to believe it's only been 5 years. But it also feels like a lifetime ago (i.e. pre-Emilia). Lately, Chris has been in Ghana and things have been very busy with work so I haven't had much time to blog. But I'll be back with a backlog of outfits next week. In the meanwhile I'll be toasting with my one and only, (to being on the same continent at the same time and) to a half decade of marriage and memories.

Two years ago...

We spent the day enveloped by love. I feel more lucky and more in love with every passing moment and milestone. And in just two months we'll have made our duo into three. I can't anticipate fully how our lives will change. I can't know for certain that everything is going to get even better. Things have been so good already. And I imagine some things we take for granted will become a lot harder. But I do know that I am excited immensely to parent with my partner in life and love. He is a great husband and he's going to be an amazing dad. Happy Anniversary! 

one year ago

I was getting my make up done and marveling about the incredible luck, not only to have beautiful weather in Pittsburgh in October, not only to be surrounded by so many wonderful and supportive loved ones, but to be partnered in life with such an amazing person. I'm very excited to celebrate one year of marriage today.

Not long ago, Chris and I were featured in the Celebrations section of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (which spotlit our nuptials from October 2010) and I decided (with some trepidation) that I would share it on this date. We had no idea that we were going to be featured so prominently until we woke up to emails and tweets from friends and family, cluing us in. But it was thrilling to see! As we meet the quiet milestone of one year of spouse-hood we feel both relieved and nostalgic. It's great to relax and enjoy another fall season together. It is great to be able to reminisce about such a fantastic series of memories. And it is great to sit back while we attend our friends' and families' nuptials (we just went to another last Friday!), with thorough empathy and appreciation for the labor of love that is planning a wedding.

A happy weekend of gift giving!

This weekend, not only did I celebrate Father's Day (like so many here in the US), but my parents were celebrating their 34th wedding anniversary! Like many married couples, they were together for years before that. And regardless, 34 years of marriage is nothing to sneeze at. Next year they plan to finally take a long-overdue trip to Hawaii to mark their 35th. I hope to figure out something special my siblings and I can do for them to honor the occasion. Hawaii is a place they've wanted to see for ... well 34+ years! But my parents have never been big travelers. They still live in my father's boyhood home, in the area where they both grew up. After they had kids they rarely left town without us (occasional business trips were the only times). And it wasn't financially realistic to take vacations that required plane tickets for the entire clan. My folks were more interested in saving the money to help with the cost of three college educations (not to mention all the other parental expenses they were generous enough to assume). I really hope they do something indulgent and for themselves after all these years!

To celebrate 34 years, we kids gave them a gift that was very inexpensive but that moved them both. At home, I had an 8 by 10 frame that was from the cookie table decor of my own wedding. It was matted to display two 4 by 6 photos, side by side. To turn it into an appropriate anniversary gift, I picked two photo prints of my parents: one from their wedding day and one from mine.

They loved it and it was such a simple, inexpensive idea! In this era of photographic post-materiality, it is a gift just to save someone from the task of ordering and framing tangible prints. And the photographic aftermath of our wedding has yielded many gift opportunities for all three sets of parents.

Chris and his brother also came up with a clever, sentimental, and inexpensive father's day gift that made a bigger splash than the other, more costly gifts they gave. They compiled a list of songs that their dad sang to them when they were kids and turned it into a mixed cd. The entire family was so excited to gather around and listen when they learned what it was. And Chris's dad was clearly moved by the gesture. One of the really interesting things I noticed as a relative newcomer to the family was the excitement his baby sister (who is 20 years younger than Chris but really no longer a baby at age 11) exhibited when she also was able to recognize so many of the songs from her own childhood. 

I'll post some outfits and a review or two this week. I've been wearing some version of my Drawing Parallels skirt with a striped or basic top, as though it is my uniform. Later today I'm also going to post a less-than-flattering Tippi-dress-in-action photo. Happy (belated) Father's Day!

Thoughts on BHLDN

Nuptials of Yesteryear inspiration slideshow from BHLDN.com

The Anthro-centric Blogosphere is buzzing with anticipation over BHLDN, the new wedding themed online retailer. And because I recently planned my own nuptials, I count myself among those impatiently awaiting the website launch, timed strategically with Valentine's Day. Like Roxy of Effortless Anthropologie said, this development seems to be an intelligent and logical extension of the Anthropologie wing of Urban Outfitters Corporate. Even if it is clearly separate from Anthro, the saccharine sweet, intrinsically quirky influence is omnipresent. Anyone vaguely familiar with the DIY-influenced, "indie-bride" wing of the wedding industrial complex (as championed through Style My Pretty, Once Wed, Project Wedding, Real Simple Weddings, Martha Stewart Weddings, etc.) can see how close a fit that trend is with Anthropologie's lifestyle branded aesthetics. And with competitor J. Crew in the wedding game for some time now, it isn't surprising that Anthropologie/UO would hope to score a piece of the profit action. After all, anything with the word "wedding" in front of it comes with a major up-charge.
 

bhldn.com

Although BHLDN was not on the menu of options for my own wedding planning, I was excited to see the dresses, accessories, and decor photographs released this week. Kim of Anthroholic had a three part series on her blog during which she documented extensively the exclusive preview (to which a select group of bloggers were invited). Since Kim is planning her own wedding and is by her own admission the Anthroholic, the launch seems to be very serendipitous for her! I definitely will be among the people scrolling through the pages of BHLDN today for its Valentine's Day launch. I am also excited to keep tabs on what Kim ends up choosing for her wedding, BHLDN or not.

Nuptials of Yesterday family photo I featured at my reception

I am sure even the most dedicated anthro-philes will not (pun intended) feel beholden to buy from this new site. Competition and choices are GOOD things for consumers. But the price points for the undeniably lovely dresses are pretty high for your average "indiebride" (spanning $1000-4000). Though that puts them in square competition with J. Crew's wedding line, there are also tons of dress options from bridal and formal gown boutiques and vintage dealers available for that or less. I really like the vintage-inspired aesthetics of BHLDN but from what I've seen so far, I could not have personally afforded my favorites on the budget I set.  I am intrigued by the guest/occasion dress offerings, accessories, and the beautiful shoes which seem to be available for lower prices (though they're priced higher than the fascinator that I modified from Etsy and my wedding Louboutins).

Nuptials of Yesterday family photo I featured at my reception

This is not to rain of the parade of BHLDN but to merely contextualize it. I encourage brides-to-be to enjoy having one more item on the menu, without feeling confined to or by it. And that is for as many sentimental reasons as practical. One of my fondest planning memories was dress shopping with my mother and sister. Being helped in and out of the dresses by the expert staff at Anne Gregory for the Bride was such a wonderful experience. For me it was also important to go to a local business. I liked having the staff's input, in addition to the people who I brought with me that day. I rarely shy away from shopping online, but buying a wedding dress online is difficult even with free return shipping. Trying on a shipped dress at home without the benefits of a well lit showroom and full length mirrors makes the decision harder. Wedding dresses are the sort of purchase where you want the option to evaluate all angles.

Nuptials of Yesterday family photo I featured at my reception

The highly curated collection from BHLDN likely will be a wonderful addition to the wedding and formal dress shopping industry. And BHLDN has assured potential shoppers that their stock is both exclusive and low volume. That is a great thing for indie/diy brides. But even with that claim, there will be a lot of people viewing the website just for the eye candy. I know I will be!

Wheeling away down the road of life

Chris and I didn't ride any bicycles built for two during our brief honeymoon (part 1) but I did wear this Two Wheeler bike print dress a lot. I tried not to make much of a fuss about honeymooning because it was kind of last minute and brief from necessity. I had to get back to work. I don't really have the time for a big trip until December so that is when we're going somewhere. But we decided to visit DC to eat, drink, do some visa paperwork for honeymoon part 2, and be merry/married. Speck came along because the Hotel Madera (along with all Kimpton Hotels) allows pets with no restrictions. I've come to really adore their hotels for the warm service and quirky decor. Because they caught wind of our wedding, they put us on the top floor in a suite with a balcony. And they greeted us with a bottle of wine and a cheese plate.

While in DC, we ate at Jaleo which was amazing. Our server was the sweetest man who was so enthusiastic about the insane amount of food we ordered. My favorite part of the meal was the squid ink black rice paella with cuttlefish and shrimp. Although we were stuffed (and had to take most of the paella home) we managed to eat the delicious dessert he gave to us in celebration of our matrimony. We also visited the Tacklebox and Two Amy's Pizza. Here's Chris walking Speck around Georgetown and enjoying the delicious Tacklebox spices.

I found myself walking around in a dreamy daze, so soon after the wedding. Everything felt very special and exciting, but I was also perpetually on the verge of emotional overcome. I don't know if I was feeling sad, but I was a little somber. Somber in the sense that nostalgia can feel melancholic. I couldn't (and still can't) stop dreaming about the wedding. It didn't escape my immediate frame of mind at all during the trip. I guess that is to be expected? I don't mean to sound like a Debbie Downer.

In so many ways I am glad the wedding happened. It was wonderful and I am glad it is behind me. But I also felt for it such immense excitement and anticipation. With it behind me, there is a slight void. I never thought I would be among the "post-wedding blues" contingent, and I would never ever describe what I feel as blue. Instead it feels surreal. I already have so much nostalgia for it. And with those pangs of nostalgic longing come the inevitable melancholia. I am happy it is over but I wish I could rewind myself to relive parts that are blurry already in my memory. I can't wait for the video and although I was reluctant to have video, I am grateful that my mom insisted.

Part of me was sad to leave Pittsburgh at all (where some friends were still in town after the wedding, including Robina and her beautiful family). Part of me was sad to spend such little time in DC. I couldn't catch up with DC friends or meet the new members of a few of their families because our time was so limited. We checked in late, were there for about 36 hours, and had to return to the 'burgh. I guess this is one of those times when I can just accept that I have too many feelings (tm Robina). Regardless, this DC trip was a nice memory and a wonderful way to kick off married life.

A few more wedding shots (taken by family)

I'm too tired to do a lot of recapping right now. But it was really wonderful. And although these aren't the official photos, they exude a different type of happiness and love because they were taken by loved ones.

I do want to give props to a few vendors. Anne Gregory for the Bride (who were so nice to me despite my low budget and sale dress purchase), Smart Form Pittsburgh (who were total pros and really kind), the Renaissance Hotel (who saw my white garment bag and immediately upgraded me from a priceline.com lowball bid special to a corner suite with huge windows, overlooking the Allegheny river... they also gave us a huge bottle of Cava and chocolate truffles for our wedding night), Erin of Erin's Fine Foods, my friend who made our cake (who is not a professional but executed a beautiful, delicious, professional caliber cake), The Great Hall and their DJs/Event Coordinator, and all the cookie makers who's delicious contributions were the hit of the party!

Unfortunately, few people could hear our friend Zack during the ceremony so I can't give props to the beautiful but pricey Heinz Chapel because they didn't really manage the problem in the manner that I would have wanted. We had a self uniting ceremony so there were no religious figures or seasoned officiants involved. But still, Zack is a professor and speaks for a living. And we just think there was an equipment malfunction though Heinz Chapel will not take any blame beyond speculating the possibility of an error. That is pretty disappointing.

Not everything was perfect but I didn't expect it to be. It was a great time and a great day and I still well up with tears when I think too much about everything.

I cried most during the dance with my dad (who was singing the song, "Turn Around Look at Me" by the Vogues, and has a great voice so how couldn't I cry?) and when I was making my statement to Chris before our vows. But I managed to keep it together most of the night. So yay!

Rehearsal Dinner Outfit

Although I intended to wear a fall themed dress from Chloe, I ended up falling in love with this Valentino Red dress in painterly hues of blue, purple, and green. I found it through Yoox and got a great deal once it was discounted further through their spring/summer sale. It is a little longer than I usually wear but I thought it was very fun and party like. It also went perfectly with my bouquet of shower bows (which Chris's stepmom remembered, thankfully!... I had no clue what the purpose of that bow bouquet was since I hadn't been to a wedding rehearsal since I was flower girl aged).

Here we are rehearsing. Although it wasn't traditional I was really pleased with the decision. I felt really fancy and will be able to wear it to a formal wedding or maybe for new years eve. I wore the Chloe to dinner on our mini honeymoon and will update with some photos from that later this week. Thanks for reading!

A quick photo of my wedding day

Quick snap that my mom took of me feeding Chris the only sweets we ate that night... although there were over 700 dozen cookies for the cookie table thanks to the efforts of our aunts, cousins, friends, and moms! That worked out to be more than 3.5 dozen cookies/guest! Unfortunately we have A LOT of cookies left over and have to figure out what to do with all of them. My mom said for the next wedding in our family we will need to be more organized and keep track of how many. I can't believe we ever thought there wouldn't be enough cookies!

I hope some people took photos of the cookie table. I only got to see it from afar.

The day was wonderful and surreal and blurry and happy. I will write more about it when I have a bit more time. But I feel so lucky to have had beautiful weather and so many people with whom to share so many moments I already cherish so deeply.

Modern Love: Gets Me to the Church on Time

Can't stop singing David Bowie in my head... no matter how cognitively dissonant the lyrics... Anyway by the time this is posted, I will be at the church. Figured I would share one of my fitting photos from before the beadwork was finished. Thanks for reading!

In which she picked up her wedding gown

I went this afternoon to Anne Gregory for the Bride to pick up my altered-to-fit-me dress. It is beautiful, if I do say so myself! Since we are in crunch time, I find myself thinking most irrationally. The other day I lamented the fading of my summer tan so much that I briefly contemplated booking an appointment for a fake tan. That is kind of hilarious because it is So. Not. Me. Anyway, I am plugging away at things for work and things for wedding. And was glad to have the dress in my possession. Chris is off buying an obscene amount of booze. Above, I wore a Nanette Lepore Paris Cafe Sheath dress with the Two Paths Trenchcoat, Hue tights, and Chloé flats. It is cold enough that I had to layer a sweater underneath my jacket. I sat this guy reclined but in my front seat. It sort of looked like one of those HOV lane dummies people use to drive alone on commuter highways.

The sale today at Anthropologie is huge! Check out the full list of markdowns on Effortless Anthropologie for info. I want to apologize for being so inconsistent about replying to comments here. Between now and this time next week I will probably only have a few posts scheduled because I will largely be away from the computer.

I promise to catch up on everything this time next week so thank you for reading in the meanwhile! I also promise to post a wedding dress teaser on the day of, around ceremony start time. It will probably just be a fitting appointment photo since I obviously won't have any (except for crude iphone mirror pics) others yet.

Scenes from a Wedding Themed Benefit

On Saturday, one week prior to the wedding, Chris and I organized a benefit for the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank. We wish to thank the organization for the work that they do for people and families in need, in western PA. Specifically, Josh was integral to the event's success. He brought literature and collected/delivered the donated food. He also spoke convincingly about the good this organization does. Their overhead is very minimal and because they can purchase food whole sale, a $5 donation can provide an amount of food that costs three-four times that in a grocery store. That morning he distributed 2000 pounds of food to over 300 families in Braddock, PA.

Thanks to our friends' talent and generosity, we had a number of bands play: Onodrim, Slices, and Allies. Thanks to the kindness of a few local businesses, Spak Brothers Pizza, Dreaming Ant, Mind Cure Records, Sirocco Designs Jewelry, Alicia Fronczek Yoga, and The Works Printing/Lynn Nelson, we had a number of prizes toward the raffle. And our friend Jenny of Modern Formations Gallery donated her beautiful space to host the event! It was successful in raising money and food donations for a charity we really believe in.

And Chris and I are matching the funds raised at the benefit, in lieu of buying elaborate favors for our guests. We hope the cookie table, the jordan almonds, and chocolates will suffice as material symbols of our gratitude.

I wore a repeat outfit. The dress is from the BCBG outlet and it was also my engagement dinner dress. Something about the ivory and gold threading make me think "bridal."

And if the wind is right you can find the joy

I've been trying my best to keep perspective and not feel subsumed by the reality of my impending wedding. I really think it is important to be grateful and emphasize in my brain space that no matter how many small issues might crop up along the way, having a wedding is an immense privilege.

And despite the rhetoric, I don't need to permit such an occasion to consume my life, my activities, or my emotions. I haven't always been successful at keeping this perspective in the front of my brain space. I am human and the ubiquitous messages proclaiming that weddings are ultimate pageants of individual expression and symbolism can be pretty difficult to ignore. I hadn't anticipated the pressure I'd feel to feel specific ways about aspects of the wedding. For example, I felt like I was *supposed* to follow the bridal industrial complex's diet cottage industry messages by trying to whittle myself into some impossible-for-me size. I didn't do that, of course. But I certainly felt like I was supposed to.

I have felt like I was supposed to project back to those who inquire about how I'm doing (as though weddings are an ailment for which one needs consoling) the caricature of a frazzled, stressed out, wedding-obsessed bridezilla. As far as I can perceive, I haven't done that either, in part because I don't actually believe such a caricature exists outside of the spheres of entertainment television and media that created her. Sure, people grow to be immersed within familial negotiations and many become weary with concerns over budgets during the planning stages, but I believe those situations warrant some amount of flustered bewilderment. Entrenchment within a negotiation to be true to myself while pleasing not only my parents but symbolically honoring the entire history of my familial heritage is daunting. And that is precisely the high expectation that many attempt to meet. Trivializing weddings into mere vanity and flagrant materialism might be apt if one disregards the (yes) loaded (and yes, sexist) but significant microhistories of weddings within individual familial contexts. This is another aspect I hadn't considered; How incredibly important a wedding can be in terms of unifying those who have enveloped the couple since they were infants.

Despite my wedding being scheduled for 8 days from now, I have time to do fun, relaxing, non-wedding things. I keep saying if it isn't done by now it probably doesn't need to be done. That's not true of course, because we aren't allowed to go set up yet. But it brings me peace to think that I don't to obsess about what we should have accomplished. Is it going to be perfect? Of course not. But that is really ok with me. I only hope it is ok with all the other people to whom it matters.

The photos in this post are from a boat trip Chris and I were fortunate enough to take with our friend Elaina and her lovely parents. We got to see one of the most incredible Pittsburgh sunsets I've ever witnessed. And we got to watch it all from Allegheny River. We went on Wednesday after I got home from work. And it was a nice reminder to keep a reasonable perspective about all of this.

I think weddings colonize as much time as one wishes to let them. They are intended to be joyous occasions, so it is no surprise that so many brides to be immerse themselves within the excitement of the planning process.  Maybe I should have titled this post in defense of the mythic "bridezilla?"

All of this is to say that I appreciate those of you who have stuck around through my wedding babble. And I can promise that it will be concluding relatively soon!

Scenes from my Bachelorette Party

My bridal attendants are all family, with the exception of my dear friend who introduced me to Chris. Because of this and because of my own personality, it was important that the activities I planned to celebrate my last days of "singledom" (as if living with Chris for five years wasn't a legitimate, committed, and recognizable partnership, in and of itself!) were in good taste and rated PG. There would be no hot pink feather boas. No plastic tiaras. No bedazzled "Mrs. Chris" thong underpants. No cookies or ice cubes in the shape of genitalia. While I don't begrudge those who go that route embracing fully the silliness and fun of bachelorette party culture, I'm 30. And even if I was 21, that route has never been me. Unfortunately, my budget for the event was fairly limited and I forwent the tradition of allowing my attendants to pay. I think they've bore enough economic and planning burdens in finding their own dresses, shoes, etc. with little guidance from me beyond a broad color idea. So a spa weekend or out of town trip were definitely off the table. Instead I opted to book a formal tea service at a local, historic hotel.

The Omni William Penn has hosted tea service in its Terrace Room for decades. Our table overlooked the ornate, grand lobby.

Though the service was a bit slow, the food was delicious. Embarrassingly, we were too hungry to remember to photograph the snacks. But I think it was fun and I will remember it fondly since it was a nice, low key occasion to spend time with my loved ones. Afterwards we worked like a factory to execute the modest favors.

I still need to print up tags with information about the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank but am relieved to have them otherwise completed. We took a quick walk up to the annual Little Italy Days festival in Bloomfield. Then we headed to Oakland to meet up with Chris and the guys. Chris's event was also designed around his tastes and interests.

His brother booked a private room for karaoke (called Norebang) at our favorite Korean restaurant. Food and many Sapporo beers and lively singers combined to produce lots of fun. Above, Chris and I were singing Hall and Oates! To round out the night we went to Gooskis. By then the crowd had thinned out a bit but it was still a wonderful time. I know Chris almost had too much fun and even paid for it with a headache the next morning. Thanks for reading!

Wedding Annals: Giving Back

In the spirit of acknowledging the great privilege it is to throw a wedding, and with a desire to give back to a community that has provided the backdrop for our relationship, Chris and I decided to organize a benefit concert. The Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank is an organization with an objective to combat local hunger. What is most impressive is their ability to do so in a most efficient way. Their operating costs are minimal compared to the aid and services they provide to families and individuals in need.

Theirs is a cause we have supported for years and one that we hope transcends political ideology. We chose it because food has been central to our coupling. So many of our memories from travel and from our early courtship involve food we have cooked and food we have shared.  Hunger is an issue that we hope will not divide or offend our wedding guests, who come from a variety of ideological perspectives. With information about the Food Bank and website, our guests will receive a modest but classic favor of jordan almonds (in addition to being invited to indulge in our Pittsburgh cookie table, complete with take home boxes) because we decided to utilize some of those funds for this donation.

The benefit will occur on the Saturday a week before the wedding. Our dear friends who are members of local bands have generously agreed to perform. Other friends who work for the organization will be in attendance to speak about the Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank. Admission is $6 or $4 with a bag of canned goods. Everyone is welcome. Hope to see you there!

Scenes from a Bridal Shower

My bridal shower was this weekend and it was such fun! It is rare that I get to be with all my female relatives at once and the chance to unite them with Chris's lady loved ones made me even more happy. Although things weren't logistically perfect (parking was an issue because of a nearby street festival we weren't informed about; the seating arrangements were disorganized due to an overwhelmed staff; and the service was slow because the space gave us one fewer server than we were promised for our number of guests) I had an amazing time and felt emotional overwhelm because of all the love and support in the room.

It was thrilling to be surrounded by so many women I adore and their generosity, enthusiasm, and love floored me. I don't know how to adequately let them know how meaningful the day was for me but I hope (as I draft the many thank you notes that I am excited to write) my gratitude was as evident in the moment as it will be in my follow-up correspondence. As an aside, I just love hand written thank you notes. It surprises me that they are becoming such a rarity, with many people opting instead to print canned text onto photo cards. The ghost of Emily Post must be rolling...

I was especially impressed by my little sister who is my Maid of Honor. We are ten years apart and I joked for years when she would ask "when are you getting married?" that I couldn't do so until she was mature enough to execute a shower as my maid of honor. It seemed like she took my gentle ribbing seriously because she was so incredibly organized and poised. Her decision to follow in the footsteps of my very creative and thoughtful schoolteacher mother comes as no surprise. She will make a wonderful teacher just as my mom has! Every time I went home to visit her and my folks, both of them would tell me with such excitement about where they were in the planning process. Although I am used to my mom's ability to execute a party, I am astounded by the woman my sister has become and I couldn't be more proud of her. 

By the time Chris arrived, I was tearing up (for the second time... I full on cried at least once and maybe twice. It is a bit of a blur haha!) and he hugged me reassuringly. My bridal attendant friend Rachel (who originally introduced us!) told us to take a funny photo with the canvas picture of ourselves.

As you can see I wore an Anthropologie ensemble. Bold Boutonnière with Cartography Cardigan. I decided to wear some purple satin flats since my color is purple. The no cut cake was so delicious. I love Bethel Bakery!! And although the service issues at the restaurant produced some challenges, I thought the food was very good. All in all, it was a great time and I am reminded again of how fortunate I am. I have so much to be grateful for and a lot to look forward to. This song plays on a continual loop as I think about all this.

• Objects Of My Affection by Peter Bjorn And John

More Peter Bjorn And John music on iLike

No wonder I get overwhelmed and cry more often now...