Showing posts with label Consumer Culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Consumer Culture. Show all posts
November 23, 2012
On Black Friday and the Culture of Consumerism
Black Friday is a polarizing retail concept. Some of us love the opportunity to get up early and hunt for the best deals on items available in limited quantities. Black Friday has become for plenty of Americans, it's own annual tradition. But others loathe that each year seems to bring out even more appalling, sensationalistic tales depicted on nightly news broadcasts as the worst elements of consumer greed, materialism, and competition. Although I have shopped many Black Fridays with my mom and siblings, I have felt empathetic to both perspectives.
And as Black Friday encroaches earlier and earlier into the week, subsuming Thanksgiving Day and in some cases, even the days preceding it, it becomes difficult not to notice a growing contempt for this shopper holiday.
What is most interesting to me is that the bulk of the ire toward Black Friday gets channeled at shoppers, themselves. And it's no wonder because the setup creates conditions in which the shoppers become very easy targets. People camped out in sleeping bags the week prior. Lines stretching around already expansive strip malls. The fights between warring customers over the last available hot toy from that year. The ugly, depressing video footage of the hoards of shoppers rushing into big box stores as soon the doors open, often trampling one another and/or bedraggled workers in the process. All of it makes for a sensationally unattractive portrait of American consumption and material life. But when I discuss Black Friday with friends and colleagues, and they rail against the shoppers I find myself becoming defensive. This is not only because I have shopped Black Friday in years previous, but also because the discussion rarely evades what I regard to be a rhetoric of classism. The anti-Black Friday argument is usually some version of the following: "I don't care about saving money enough to deal with the crowds," and "If you can't afford it any other day, you don't need it/shouldn't be buying it on Black Friday." These are both arguments that have merit, for sure. But in my experience, these arguments come most often from people who are able (socioeconomically speaking) to afford easily to opt out from Black Friday and its savings.
For better or worse those of us in America currently inhabit an incredibly materialistic cultural moment in which notions surrounding consumer "needs" get blurred with our desires and "wants." People who are financially struggling aren't living in social vacuums and aren't exempt from the pressures of holiday "performance." Regardless of class status, for many of us a successful December holiday is measured by the ability to effectively lavish loved ones with material appreciations of their choice/by their request. The process of making a gift list and checking it twice isn't one only reserved for the North Pole. Gifts and the process of giving matter to people. And the holidays are (particularly for those of us that do not practice religious rituals) an opportunity to make memories that matter with loved ones. Those memories are sometimes of the material variety. I don't think that is terrible or contemptuous or greedy. I also don't consider it to be a cultural practice that should be reserved for only the middle and upper-strata of our socio-economic hierarchy. I have incredibly vivid memories from different points in my life of giving and receiving gifts. And I am sure this is true for the bulk of the American public, regardless of their bank accounts or annual salaries.
Anti- and pro-Black Friday shoppers will likely agree that the gifts we buy should be what we can afford. Anti-Black Friday shoppers might also say that we shouldn't be so greedy as to want something we can't otherwise afford. But on Black Friday that elusive concept of "afford-ability" becomes a bit more malleable than usual, with steep discounts to lure in deal hunters. So of course, those shoppers who need to stretch their dollars the farthest will encompass a large portion of those tempted to shop Black Friday. Rather than begrudge people the chance to fulfill most efficiently the wishlists of those around them I propose we direct Black Friday related anger and contempt toward the driving forces behind this shopper holiday's colonization of Thanksgiving.
Shoppers aren't the ones making executive decisions regarding store hours. Shoppers can't require employees to leave their families for work rather than eat dinner and give thanks. Shoppers don't assign doorbusters or distribute store circulars that say "no rain checks," "no price matching," and "only x number of item available per location." The driving motivation behind doorbusters and Thanksgiving Day hours and early deals are most certainly the stores themselves. Each among the participating mega companies/brands/stores stand to benefit from their own manufactured demand by providing consumers with more and earlier times during which to consume.
And so, the concept of Black Friday has generated for big corporations both a domino effect and a retail race to the bottom. I remember a time when opening at 6am on Friday seemed somewhat inhumane but enough to generate a buzz. In the last few years the landscape of competition has been such that one store announces that they'll open at midnight on Black Friday. The next one-ups things by opening at 11pm on Thanksgiving Day. Before you know it, the standard becomes opening at 8pm or 6pm (prime dinner hours) or even earlier on Thanksgiving, drawing both workers (out of requirement) and consumers (out of the desire to get the best prices) away from their loved ones on a day when we are supposed to count our blessings and be thankful for what we have.
If it seems ugly that's because it is ugly. The ideology of consumerism under a capitalist marketplace can absolutely be ugly. But in this example, make no mistake: it is an ugly that stems more so from corporate greed, rather than consumer greed. Corporate greed configures a system in which the specter of consumerism becomes magnified and monstrous.
If and when store executives consider opting out of Thanksgiving hours, they might feel compelled by the bottom line: most consumers have finite amounts of holiday shopping dollars. The competition for those dollars in a neoliberal marketplace is such that very few big players will opt out. Black Friday will marshal forward, continuing to produce an easy consumer scapegoat. And it will further colonize the month of November. But I for one won't be holding the shoppers to blame.
*props to those companies that announced they will not open on Thanksgiving Day. It's telling that at this point stores must announce that they *won't* be open on a holiday.
September 15, 2011
Meditations on a Scandal
It has been a complicated, crazy week in the world of Anthro-blogging. When the story broke on Get Off My Internets, then trickled to other blogs and websites, eventually leading Roxy to issue a very useful list of best practices to avoid being scammed on Effortless Anthropologie, I (frankly) was busy with non-blog responsibilities. The very stuff that enables my consumption by providing me with stable employ was making it hard for me to keep up with this rapidly unfolding situation. What was probably for the best as a little distance was really helpful.
But I look forward to participating in Roxy's upcoming post about financial circumstances and consumerism/blogging. I believe this entire ordeal has the makings of a teachable moment: To make sure we don't get in over our heads. To try to avoid getting carried away or defining ourselves by material goods. To make sure we think through out consumerism. I think many of us are guilty of substituting shopping for therapy, or shopping for reward, or shopping for hobbies. Don't get me wrong. Fashion is a legitimate interest. Style is a worthwhile hobby. Those who say otherwise perpetuate misogynist ideas inadvertently when they accept without thought other "spectator" sports. But when interests in style and fashion couple with gratuitous consumerism and materialism, sacrificing time spent with loved ones, forging meaningful connections, spending and saving in a balanced way, etc... when it gets harder to find ways to bond digitally that are less about fawning compliments or closet curation and more about deep intellectual exchanges... THAT's when we reach dangerous territory.
This is not an accusation. I do not mean to sound like I am speaking about any individual who is involved in this scandal. On the contrary, I think many of us are left reflecting about meaning. What is the meaning of our things? Why do we gravitate toward those things? Where is the line drawn and when have we gone too far? If anything this moment can be one where we take more seriously and less for granted our desires to consume and the roots of our desires. The ideology of consumerism and the promise of the consumer fix are powerful drugs. I think anyone who blogs their shopping habits and enjoys living vicariously can empathize with the potential for getting carried away, for going overboard, for letting things own us rather than the other way around. Why not use these moments of reflection to step back from unthinking consumption and evaluation the mechanisms, culturally, socially, personally, financially, etc. that perpetuate a nagging drive for more.
When there are scandals and when someone is caught red handed many will respond with self-righteousness and indignance or worse (as Roxy has hinted) the unscathed will still seek vengeance like an angry mob. The concerns of those scammed are legitimate and they should be handled by professionals and authorities. For those of us who are mere spectators dealing with the aftershock, why not seize this moment for contemplation and self-critique? After all much like the ideology of consumerism, self righteousness can be a hell of a drug.
Thank you to the people who have emailed and direct messaged me offering their appreciation for the comment I made in response to Kim's apology on Effortless Anthropologie. I still believe in the transformative power of the truth and the potential for forgiveness. And I hope this situation doesn't jade us, but rather make us smarter, more cautious, and more learned.
June 23, 2011
Off Fifth Saks Outlet testing the waters for an online retail sale website?
Today I received an email request to take a survey from Off Fifth. As a communication scholar with interests in advertising strategies, consumer history, and quantitative research methods, I often accept these requests because they offer insight into marketing decisions and brand developments. From this specific survey it became clear that Saks was conducting research to determine the viability of an online component to their Off Fifth outlet stores. Because Nordstrom Rack and Neiman Marcus Last Call already have outlet retail websites, I'm surprised it took Saks this long!
May 16, 2011
Anthro-centric OOTD and avoiding closet obsolescence
Two Wheeler Shirtdress
Cartography Cardigan
Miu Miu flats
I wore this outfit to celebrate a belated Mother's Day with my family this weekend. I saw my mother on the Saturday of Mother's Day weekend but because my brother was working on May 8th, she decided to postpone things. It was important to her that all the kids could be together. It felt sad that I didn't get to hug her on the actual day but I did get celebrate and hug with Chris's mom and stepmom. Yesterday was pretty chilly but I still decided to go bare legged. Today the high is in the low 50s so bare legs aren't an option.
When I bought the Two Wheeler dress by Porridge I knew about its weird fit issues. If I wanted the dress to hug my waist the sleeves were going to be too tiny to button. It's bizarre but I guess I have meatier limbs than Porridge imagined. haha This means I often wear it layered if I don't choose to use my hair-tie button-extending solution (wherein I take a thin elastic hair tie, loop it around the button, thread through the hole, then hook).
I didn't buy anything this weekend which I consider to be a victory. I was in two malls and a Gabriel Brothers. When I browse the stores I often gravitate toward items that are facsimiles of what I already possess. I suppose this affirms consistency in my tastes. But it also can lead to a lot of superfluous shopping. On multiple occasions, I end up buying duplicates, backups, and/or stuff that foresees an eventual (conscious or subconscious) obsolescence. I already wrote about how I purchase in multiples (which I am trying to avoid because it can get a bit hoarder-y) and dress with monogamy (which is a good thing because it brings down cost per wear). But I will soon compile a list that evidences instances of planned and unplanned obsolescence in my wardrobe. I think it will be a good reminder about how silly it is to buy without purpose.
I have been coveting Kate Spade's Violetta dress for some time now, but its color similarities to the Two Wheeler have stopped me from purchasing. Even with this knowledge, a nagging consumer impulse has lingered. I considered selling the Two Wheeeler to replace it with the Kate Spade until I reasoned that my lifestyle is one where cotton makes more sense than silk. This weekend I pulled out the dress in part to remind myself that I have a perfectly cute blue shirtdress (so I need to stop hypothetically shopping by filling up my cart at katespade.com... that ritual can transition to literal shopping pretty quickly!). In light of my car repairs, the similarities should be plenty fuel to curb any impulses. Layering this with the map printed cardi isn't at all clever or new. I wore it almost the exact same way last September.
Do you have any tricks or tips that gently remind that nagging inner consumer when the things you covet replicate what you already own?
March 12, 2011
My hardest working garments
Excuse the dour face I'm making in this older photograph of me in my Old Navy leather jacket. Someone on Fashionism pointed out around the time that this piece was coveted that it is a pretty direct reference to a Mike and Chris leather hoodie. I managed to track one down on ebay after they had sold out in stores. And I've worn it to toughen up girlie dresses and skirts ever since. So despite my mixed feelings about knock offs, this leather hoodie from Old Navy makes the cut. It's a basic piece that was released in late 2006, if I remember correctly.
I wish I had bought the gray or oatmeal colored versions of this Casch Copenhagen sweater from Anthropologie. I wear my raspberry one as often as I can. It doubles as a jacket in the spring and fall. And it makes an interesting topper when paired with jeans or skirts. On the left is a photo from October 2007. On the right I am wearing it three years later in October 2010. Hard working clothes combine versatility with longevity. I haven't lost interest in this sweater even though I bought it four years ago for my birthday!
This Levis denim jacket has been in my life for longer than Chris! I bought it from Gabriel Brothers for $9.99 when I was still an undergraduate. I estimate that it is over 10 years old. But it never goes out of style. And despite fluctuations in my weight over the years (I've never blogged about it but my weight has shifted by approximately 30 pounds), it has always managed to fit me.
I realized when I compiled this list that layering pieces dominated it! I guess that makes sense because as much as I adore my dresses, you can't wear and pair them with everything. The above work with corduroy pants and t-shirts as well as they do with dresses and skirts. The denim jacket in particular has outlasted everything else in my closet (save for a few sentimental t-shirts I've kept but not really worn). It has survived, edit after edit as I've tried to weed and reduce what I own. The most costly of the three pieces was the sweater, which was still purchased on sale. The least costly was the denim jacket.
I admit that I was surprised to be unable to rationalize the inclusion of any single dress. As dedicated as I feel to my dress collection none of them combined longevity with frequency the way these pieces did. If this was a list of my most treasured pieces my selection would be different.
What this has taught me: Hard working pieces aren't always the most glamorous or beloved. They see a lot of daylight because they're reliable, versatile, and most importantly simple enough to match many outfits and styles over time. Do you have any hard workers that go against my theory? Are any hard workers of yours are also unique and treasured? Am I wrong to assume that mostly basics will dominate the hard working lists of others? To read more about the hardest working pieces of a few fellow bloggers, go here.
February 02, 2011
Not my best look (musings on competition)
Twinkle by Wenlen dress
Wolford heart tights
Rosegold Liz booties
Vintage necklace
Sometimes I wonder if I should be more selective with what I post on my little blog. Or if I should try harder to get really excellent, truly flattering photos since so many of my fellow bloggers are exceptionally skilled in that arena (inspiring me with their photographic equivalent to poetry, full of romance, atmosphere, and narrative). I often wonder if I should work harder to make sure all the things I include here are subjects/ensembles about which I am 100% confident. Sometimes I find myself falling into an inevitable game of comparison, wherein I measure myself against all the things I am not and all the things I wish I had/was. It should be said that I often do this when something external reminds me about competition and conflict and general negativity.
This comparative impulse runs so contrary to my beliefs. In many ways it is in direct tension with my own politics (feminism, optimism, social progression, collectivity, etc.) and in complete discord with my pedagogy. My teaching philosophy is an articulation of my beliefs. I strive to encourage students to be empowered by the concept of their own potentiality, but to also be reflexive and mindful of the privileges that have yielded that potential. Finding such a balance means bridging confidence with humble gratitude. My hope is that they find a way to tow that line outside of the classroom too, as social individuals and as citizens who are thriving as they study (and in most cases, live permanently) in a representative democracy.
When I indulge the impulse to compare myself with others, I also facilitate my own negativity. I chide myself for not being smarter, funnier, prettier, wealthier, more talented, more accomplished, more aligned figuratively with a conventional ideal, etc. This ritual of self-effacement is the kind of thing I would try to minimize, if not completely diffuse if I noticed my students doing it. I would remind them that despite the conventional wisdom of performance soft-drink ads and the sloganeering of sneaker companies, not everything is a competition. I'd encourage them to re-frame their outlook to one that strives for a personal best. As I find myself frustrated when I measure reality with what I thought I would have accomplished by now (life-wise, not blog-wise), I need to remember my own humanity. I need to re-frame my outlook to include the space for self-praise rather than only self-critique.
I consider my outlook on this little blog to be metaphoric to my outlook on my life. It is not a competition and sometimes I need to be less hard on myself. In the case of my blog I lack crucial equipment and talent. I lack time and landscapes. I lack the perfect closet full of flattering things and the perfect figure/face/hairstyle on which to dress these pieces. It is easy to take stock of what I lack in terms of this blog. It is much more difficult and harrowing to do so in terms of one's own life. I continue to feel an immense amount of gratitude because I am very fortunate. I take for granted so many things. For example, I take for granted the reality of my own democratic freedoms. As I watch the revolution occurring in cities across Egypt, I am inspired and humbled. I am tearful and hopeful. But I am also human which means that I occasionally indulge my less-than-becoming impulses to lament life's petty frustrations.
I need to remember that we are often our own worst critics. And our insecurities and flaws are less noticeable when they go unannounced. Part of my philosophy of style is to embrace fallibility (in my body, in my visage, in my closet, etc.), realizing that through trial and error good lessons can be learned. Lately I think I need to make that a bigger part of my philosophy of life.
February 01, 2011
Quality Control Issues and Customer Response: UPDATE
Not long ago I wrote about an issue I encountered when I laundered (according to care instructions) a dress I purchased from the website of Urban Outfitters. I am happy to report that I was able to return it to the brick and mortar store without a hitch. The salesperson was very understanding and apologetic. And although this isn't the sort of thing I would do unless I was extremely disappointed in the wear and longevity of a garment, I am glad to know that it is possible at this particular retailer.
It is disappointing when we encounter quality control issues in the places we shop. Receiving something that turns out to be shoddy or defective can compromise consumer confidence in a brand. But knowing that Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters (both owned under the same umbrella) are willing to take responsibility for quality issues when they arise is enough to keep me coming back in the future.
December 30, 2010
Favorite Buys of 2010
Plenty of my favorite blogs have done year in (usually outfits) posts. To name a few:
Roxy of Effortless Anthropologie
Rosa from Love at First Shop
Anjali from Golden Means
Marianne and Adrien of Looks Good From the Back
La Historiadora de Moda of Fashionable Academics
Carol and Kathryn of In Pursuit of Pretty Things
And because my own blog began primarily as a place to reflect and analyze my habits of consumption, here I will overview my top ten (mostly sartorial) purchases of the year. A favorite outfit recap will follow.
10. My stockpile of Havaianas bought in Brazil. I choose these recent buys because in addition to wearing them everywhere, they made great Brazilian themed gifts to give to loved ones. I learned quickly why they're inescapable because they are by far the most comfortable of their genre.
9. Two Paths Trenchcoat by Idra (from Anthropologie). When I was sorting through outfits, I noticed this trench carried me through Spring, Summer, and Fall. Now that tiered jackets are everywhere, I am sure it will look very obviously dated from 2010 in a few years. But I'm going to wear it and enjoy it while I can!
8. My Vintage Coach Satchel. I bought this little bag off ebay in March of 2010 and I've carried it constantly since. Any time I want a no nonsense, small sling bag I reach for this. It is so practical but also so cute and it cost very little.
7. Similarly to above, my two map printed satchels from Alviero Martini (also bought from ebay). They're smaller in size than I normally carry which makes them great on the go bags. I throw in my wallet, keys, phone, and lipgloss and I'm ready. They get tons of compliments despite being so 90s (or perhaps because of it!). And they match everything and nothing simultaneously.
5. My Burberry Trench. It is a shorter length but still so classic and unlike anything else I own. As much as I love the Two-Paths trench, I know this Burberry won't look dated in a few years. I will be able to wear this decades from now.
4. This is sort of cheating cause it was a gift but one I picked out and received from my parents. My Dyson vacuum. It is seriously a quality of life changer if you have hardwood and throw rugs (and need to transition quickly and easily between them). It is a quality of life changer if you have an adorable shedding dog. It is a quality of life changer if you are a little ocd about stuff. It is worth the money which is easier to say when it was a gift. haha But I adore it and had to put it in the top five. Even if it isn't sartorial, it outfits my home so beautifully that it gets a mention.
3. Ferragamo Varina flats and Valentino rehearsal dinner dress. Tied because of similar fanciness.
2. Chloé and See by Chloé everything. This year I noticed a shift. Not only did I buy more Anthropologie, but I replaced my brand obsession. My ebay searching and sale stalking used to be colonized by Marc Jacobs. Though I still love the pieces I have, I definitely coveted more Chloé than ever this year. I specifically expanded my selection of shoes and dresses.
1. My wedding dress. I must be honest. I truly dreaded shopping for wedding attire to the extent that I postponed it for as long as possible. I presumed the genre to be confining and largely uniform. It isn't that I don't find all brides to be beautiful, but I feared deeply the way that a wedding dress could erase or supplant my own personal style. I wanted to still be me and not merely "bride." Some of the shops I visited confirmed my anxieties by imposing the tyranny of the majority on me and ignoring my plea for sleeves. But then I visited Anne Gregory for the Bride and found a dress that was as me as I could have fathomed. And by the end of the night, I was so sad to take it off, knowing I'd likely never wear it again.
All in all, 2010 has been a very good year for my closet. In 2011 I resolve to sort through what I have and donate/sell those lesser worn items. Focus on pieces that transcend trends and seasons. And as always, fight the lure of sale goggles, try to buy less, etc. Happy New Year!
Roxy of Effortless Anthropologie
Rosa from Love at First Shop
Anjali from Golden Means
Marianne and Adrien of Looks Good From the Back
La Historiadora de Moda of Fashionable Academics
Carol and Kathryn of In Pursuit of Pretty Things
And because my own blog began primarily as a place to reflect and analyze my habits of consumption, here I will overview my top ten (mostly sartorial) purchases of the year. A favorite outfit recap will follow.
10. My stockpile of Havaianas bought in Brazil. I choose these recent buys because in addition to wearing them everywhere, they made great Brazilian themed gifts to give to loved ones. I learned quickly why they're inescapable because they are by far the most comfortable of their genre.
9. Two Paths Trenchcoat by Idra (from Anthropologie). When I was sorting through outfits, I noticed this trench carried me through Spring, Summer, and Fall. Now that tiered jackets are everywhere, I am sure it will look very obviously dated from 2010 in a few years. But I'm going to wear it and enjoy it while I can!
8. My Vintage Coach Satchel. I bought this little bag off ebay in March of 2010 and I've carried it constantly since. Any time I want a no nonsense, small sling bag I reach for this. It is so practical but also so cute and it cost very little.
7. Similarly to above, my two map printed satchels from Alviero Martini (also bought from ebay). They're smaller in size than I normally carry which makes them great on the go bags. I throw in my wallet, keys, phone, and lipgloss and I'm ready. They get tons of compliments despite being so 90s (or perhaps because of it!). And they match everything and nothing simultaneously.
5. My Burberry Trench. It is a shorter length but still so classic and unlike anything else I own. As much as I love the Two-Paths trench, I know this Burberry won't look dated in a few years. I will be able to wear this decades from now.
4. This is sort of cheating cause it was a gift but one I picked out and received from my parents. My Dyson vacuum. It is seriously a quality of life changer if you have hardwood and throw rugs (and need to transition quickly and easily between them). It is a quality of life changer if you have an adorable shedding dog. It is a quality of life changer if you are a little ocd about stuff. It is worth the money which is easier to say when it was a gift. haha But I adore it and had to put it in the top five. Even if it isn't sartorial, it outfits my home so beautifully that it gets a mention.
3. Ferragamo Varina flats and Valentino rehearsal dinner dress. Tied because of similar fanciness.
2. Chloé and See by Chloé everything. This year I noticed a shift. Not only did I buy more Anthropologie, but I replaced my brand obsession. My ebay searching and sale stalking used to be colonized by Marc Jacobs. Though I still love the pieces I have, I definitely coveted more Chloé than ever this year. I specifically expanded my selection of shoes and dresses.
1. My wedding dress. I must be honest. I truly dreaded shopping for wedding attire to the extent that I postponed it for as long as possible. I presumed the genre to be confining and largely uniform. It isn't that I don't find all brides to be beautiful, but I feared deeply the way that a wedding dress could erase or supplant my own personal style. I wanted to still be me and not merely "bride." Some of the shops I visited confirmed my anxieties by imposing the tyranny of the majority on me and ignoring my plea for sleeves. But then I visited Anne Gregory for the Bride and found a dress that was as me as I could have fathomed. And by the end of the night, I was so sad to take it off, knowing I'd likely never wear it again.
All in all, 2010 has been a very good year for my closet. In 2011 I resolve to sort through what I have and donate/sell those lesser worn items. Focus on pieces that transcend trends and seasons. And as always, fight the lure of sale goggles, try to buy less, etc. Happy New Year!
November 22, 2010
See by Chloé Mandala Dress
My wardrobe has an excess of printed dresses. There is no reason why a reasonable thoughtful person would need so many superfluous things. So I am going to blame the lonesome blues on my decision to nab this Mandala Print See by Chloé dress on a much nicer sale than its listed price. After it sank in that Chris would be researching for a few months in a place very inconvenient for me to visit on the weekend (unlike when I was researching in DC, for example) I allowed the emotional, irrational aspects of consumer ideology to take over. That speaks to the lure of the consumer fix as well as the weakness of my own character when I was feeling mopey. I had no intention to keep this dress. Above I was *just* trying it on (you can see the wrinkles from its transit in a box) but later that day I decided to wear it to dinner at Salt and to a party. So in doing so I have apparently decided to keep it. Although I used the balance in my Paypal account to pay for it, and it felt like I wasn't spending anything technically, still. This is self-indulgent. And so near to the holiday season! I already decided what I will do to balance it out in the universe. I really intended to be frugal this season when it came to myself. I will blog about that how thankful I am to also be able to consume less self-indulgently in a few days.
October 01, 2010
And if the wind is right you can find the joy
I've been trying my best to keep perspective and not feel subsumed by the reality of my impending wedding. I really think it is important to be grateful and emphasize in my brain space that no matter how many small issues might crop up along the way, having a wedding is an immense privilege.
And despite the rhetoric, I don't need to permit such an occasion to consume my life, my activities, or my emotions. I haven't always been successful at keeping this perspective in the front of my brain space. I am human and the ubiquitous messages proclaiming that weddings are ultimate pageants of individual expression and symbolism can be pretty difficult to ignore. I hadn't anticipated the pressure I'd feel to feel specific ways about aspects of the wedding. For example, I felt like I was *supposed* to follow the bridal industrial complex's diet cottage industry messages by trying to whittle myself into some impossible-for-me size. I didn't do that, of course. But I certainly felt like I was supposed to.
I have felt like I was supposed to project back to those who inquire about how I'm doing (as though weddings are an ailment for which one needs consoling) the caricature of a frazzled, stressed out, wedding-obsessed bridezilla. As far as I can perceive, I haven't done that either, in part because I don't actually believe such a caricature exists outside of the spheres of entertainment television and media that created her. Sure, people grow to be immersed within familial negotiations and many become weary with concerns over budgets during the planning stages, but I believe those situations warrant some amount of flustered bewilderment. Entrenchment within a negotiation to be true to myself while pleasing not only my parents but symbolically honoring the entire history of my familial heritage is daunting. And that is precisely the high expectation that many attempt to meet. Trivializing weddings into mere vanity and flagrant materialism might be apt if one disregards the (yes) loaded (and yes, sexist) but significant microhistories of weddings within individual familial contexts. This is another aspect I hadn't considered; How incredibly important a wedding can be in terms of unifying those who have enveloped the couple since they were infants.
Despite my wedding being scheduled for 8 days from now, I have time to do fun, relaxing, non-wedding things. I keep saying if it isn't done by now it probably doesn't need to be done. That's not true of course, because we aren't allowed to go set up yet. But it brings me peace to think that I don't to obsess about what we should have accomplished. Is it going to be perfect? Of course not. But that is really ok with me. I only hope it is ok with all the other people to whom it matters.
The photos in this post are from a boat trip Chris and I were fortunate enough to take with our friend Elaina and her lovely parents. We got to see one of the most incredible Pittsburgh sunsets I've ever witnessed. And we got to watch it all from Allegheny River. We went on Wednesday after I got home from work. And it was a nice reminder to keep a reasonable perspective about all of this.
I think weddings colonize as much time as one wishes to let them. They are intended to be joyous occasions, so it is no surprise that so many brides to be immerse themselves within the excitement of the planning process. Maybe I should have titled this post in defense of the mythic "bridezilla?"
All of this is to say that I appreciate those of you who have stuck around through my wedding babble. And I can promise that it will be concluding relatively soon!
June 09, 2010
Mapping the Future of my Closet; Anthropologie Cartography Cardigan
My grandmother was a "collector," to put it gently. While she was still alive she would watch me after school, as both my parents worked and kindergarten was only a half day. Being one neighborhood away from my folks meant I spent a lot of time with her, in her amply (though not expensively) furnished and stocked home. Her unwillingness to part with materiality left an impression on me as well as my mother before me. Stuff was everywhere, and a sense of organization was lacking, but it felt extremely cozy and mysterious to a child. I remember the piles of stuff in her basement reaching as tall as she was (which, to be fair was probably not that tall, but seemed so from my childhood vantage). In some ways my mother was less wedded to stuff than her mom. But like my grandmother strong sentimentality was imbued onto things. I too have this tendency. I remember too well how stuff connects to segments or moments of my life, making the weeding process that much more overwhelming.
Cartography Cardigan from Anthropologie (similar here, here, and here)
Bold Boutonnière dress by Burlapp from Anthropologie (similar here, here, and here; similar plus here)
Chloé Edith pumps (similar here and here)
When I was preparing for the flea market last week, and in preparation for previous moves and flea markets, I had to consciously remind myself that things are not memories. The stuff might provoke a pang of nostalgia but giving stuff up will not erase the emotion or memory itself. I have a few pieces of clothing that connect closely with travels, event memories, and people and I try to police myself from gathering many more. The above dress will be forever remembered as what I wore to try on wedding dresses with my mom and sister. And it will likely be hard to part with it, if the day comes that I should. The cardigan is new and has no such memories yet. But controlling whether or not a thing becomes part of a narrative memory seems unrealistic. And determining what to keep should rarely be based on memories alone.
Sometimes the process of deciding to say goodbye is simple. I am re-homing my first pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs shoes because the only memory I have from them is that I ordered too small and they didn't fit. That was an easy decision and it is embarrassing that it took so long. But the choice to re-home my first A.P.C. piece, purchased during my first research summer in DC, and worn throughout my first visit to the Bay Area with Chris for the wedding of our dear friends, was much more fraught. Although I cannot wear it without tights due to length (and my own sense of modesty), I have fond memories and so many vacation photos of me in it. It is such a charming little dress that I feel conflicted about parting with it. Still, the photographs should be enough to jolt my nostalgic feelings. And I haven't worn it much since that trip.
How do you decide what stays or what goes? The conventional wisdom and magazine tips don't work unless one adopts a more stoic approach to material life. Instead I am plagued by rationale to the contrary of the practical. "Sure I haven't worn it in 3 years but it was my outfit for New Years Eve in 2007/08." "Sure I don't very much like this particular style dress anymore but it was my go-to in the summer of ____." "Sure I haven't reached for this bracelet since I moved into my new house but my mom bought it for me when we were antiquing the Mon Valley that day." I could go on with these justifications. But they only enable me to keep what I don't need.
Cartography Cardigan from Anthropologie (similar here, here, and here)
Bold Boutonnière dress by Burlapp from Anthropologie (similar here, here, and here; similar plus here)
Chloé Edith pumps (similar here and here)
When I was preparing for the flea market last week, and in preparation for previous moves and flea markets, I had to consciously remind myself that things are not memories. The stuff might provoke a pang of nostalgia but giving stuff up will not erase the emotion or memory itself. I have a few pieces of clothing that connect closely with travels, event memories, and people and I try to police myself from gathering many more. The above dress will be forever remembered as what I wore to try on wedding dresses with my mom and sister. And it will likely be hard to part with it, if the day comes that I should. The cardigan is new and has no such memories yet. But controlling whether or not a thing becomes part of a narrative memory seems unrealistic. And determining what to keep should rarely be based on memories alone.
Sometimes the process of deciding to say goodbye is simple. I am re-homing my first pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs shoes because the only memory I have from them is that I ordered too small and they didn't fit. That was an easy decision and it is embarrassing that it took so long. But the choice to re-home my first A.P.C. piece, purchased during my first research summer in DC, and worn throughout my first visit to the Bay Area with Chris for the wedding of our dear friends, was much more fraught. Although I cannot wear it without tights due to length (and my own sense of modesty), I have fond memories and so many vacation photos of me in it. It is such a charming little dress that I feel conflicted about parting with it. Still, the photographs should be enough to jolt my nostalgic feelings. And I haven't worn it much since that trip.
How do you decide what stays or what goes? The conventional wisdom and magazine tips don't work unless one adopts a more stoic approach to material life. Instead I am plagued by rationale to the contrary of the practical. "Sure I haven't worn it in 3 years but it was my outfit for New Years Eve in 2007/08." "Sure I don't very much like this particular style dress anymore but it was my go-to in the summer of ____." "Sure I haven't reached for this bracelet since I moved into my new house but my mom bought it for me when we were antiquing the Mon Valley that day." I could go on with these justifications. But they only enable me to keep what I don't need.
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