Pregnant in Boden Glenda Dress Again!

This was my birthday outfit of the day for this year (in April... lol). I am behind on the blog as usual BUT today I have a great reason. Because this week I am very proud and relieved to say that I submitted my complete tenure dossier!!!! It felt momentous even though it will be months before a decision is made. I think I put forward as strong a case as I could, all things considered. I wound up really enjoying writing and revising my narrative because it gave me the space to reflect on and affirm the meaning and significance of my career. I do really love my job. I feel very fortunate to have it. It is a good fit for me and I hope I get to keep it. All of that is to say, I've been busy!

Last week we bought a house. This week my tenure file is in. Next week I'd like to finish revisions on an accepted article or at least make big progress on my book. All of this is provided that I don't go into labor. What an exciting and stressful time!

This year I had to work on my bday which is fine because I got to debut a dress in my favorite color and I got to take some belly progress photos. Now that my teaching obligations have wrapped, I don't get the chance to take many belly progress photos so I know I'll be grateful that I have the ones that I do. I was so diligent last time around, taking them every week. But last time around I didn't have a kid to take care of, I didn't have a tenure dossier deadline, I wasn't buying a house, I wasn't trying to prep my current house for selling, I wasn't working on my book, etc. Last time, I literally made being pregnant the most important thing in my universe through the duration, which was both good and bad. I researched and read about it voraciously. But I gave myself a lot more time to fret and worry, often to the point of irrationality. This time I don't have that luxury which makes me feel a little guilty  in some ways. I don't want my lack of fretting or focus to be interpreted as lack of enthusiasm or gratitude. I am so incredibly excited to have another child and to see Emilia become a sister. But a big part of my identity as a person (and also as a mom) is my work. I just want to be in a good place work-wise so I can fully relish and celebrate the new arrival.

Anyway, this birthday felt extra special because of all the good things on the horizon. And I do love this dress. I already had it in black (blogged here) but decided to use some Boden vouchers to treat myself to the purple on clearance.

Details:
Boden Glenda Dress
Spanx tights
Sam Edelman booties

Pea in the Pod OOTD

This dress was an eBay find from The Pea in the Pod last time around. I wore it a bunch toward the end of pregnancy then and I am wearing it a lot now because unlike the majority of my maternity dresses from before, it has short sleeves and is pretty lightweight.

I can't believe how close I am to the end of pregnancy. I am kind of in panic mode because there is a lot going on. We are buying a house that needs some work and eventually selling our house. I am finishing my book thanks to my NEH grant (for which I will to complete and submit a report on my accomplishments thanks to the funds). My tenure file is due at the end of the month. Chris has work travel that takes him off the continent. And on top of everything, I am going to have another baby soon! 

I need to comfort my very tender feeling kiddo through all of this change and transition. I worry about how she will process so much at once. I feel a lot of emotions and I feel them in a very pronounced way. Last week was the anniversary of my early miscarriage. I felt heavy from the memory but it is not lost on me that I am so lucky that things have (on the whole) been ok with this pregnancy. All of these things are a lot. But most of it is good. After this week especially, I feel reminded of how my "lot" in life is so fortunate, even when I'm overwhelmed. My thoughts are with those who are processing significantly traumatic events with understandable overwhelm. 

Another Pregnant in Boden OOTD

I wore this to campus near the beginning of my third trimester. I kept such good visual records during my pregnancy with Emilia and feel guilty that I haven't made it a priority this time around. But at least I do have outfit photos and rough gestational estimates.

It's a lot harder to prioritize weekly belly photos with everything that is happening around here. Grant work, my annual review, the assembling of my tenure dossier, and the revisions of my book manuscript have kept me very busy. On top of that we might be buying a bigger house, moving, and selling our current house. The bigger house is in the neighborhood where we already live happily and it has a ton of potential to be great. But bringing out its greatness will take a lot of work. Work I can't really do in my third trimester, with the professional responsibilities I have looming over me, with Emilia needing plenty from me, with a husband who travels for work in a demanding, stressful job, with a newborn in a few weeks, and so on and so forth. Suffice to say, I am nervous.

Somehow, so much has to happen before baby comes in July... I am very overwhelmed but it isn't lost on me that these are all very good, if time consuming developments. These are happy, exciting "problems." I feel pregnant with anticipation while being pregnant the regular way.

Details:
Boden dress (procured at the sample sale in Pittsburgh a while back... unsure of the style name)
Spanx tights
Tory Burch flats

Better than a birthday gift!

My birthday was Tuesday but I got a real present in late March with the announcement of this year's grantees from the National Endowment for the Humanities. My book project was selected to receive a small but prestigious grant. You can read about it here. I am very excited and proud because their process for selection is quite rigorous. It feels legitimizing and gives me a (much needed) confidence boost.

It almost goes without saying that I am so. behind. on. blogging. I wish that I had more time for it but my (non-family, non-pregnancy) priorities are (out of necessity) my book project, my tenure dossier, my teaching, my committee service responsibilities, and my consulting work. These things are how I provide for my family and how I fulfill my career ambitions. They take precedent. I do still take outfit (and weekly bump) photos. I am amassing a huge backlog and will eventually post them. I just don't have as much time as I need to be able to do all of the things I want to do.

Happy Holidays, 2015!

In many ways, 2015 was one of the hardest years for my family. Chris's stepdad died. Our beloved Speck did too. We tried but were unable to find the perfect second home. We began planning to get pregnant again which resulted in my catching a chemical (early) miscarriage. Emilia had her first illness that required antibiotics (a particularly stubborn ear infection). And the illness plus side effects from the antibiotics combined with her two-year-old-ness to create a perfect storm of weight loss, food aversions, and newfound pickiness from which we still haven't recovered completely. She *is* happily back on track growth-wise and in double digit percentiles again but the stress over her food refusal defined my first few months of 2015. And that wasn't the only source of stress. Chris continued to travel far distances for weeks at a time and work under tremendous pressure for his job. And I was under my own intense work pressures. I knew that 2015 was my last chance to boost my tenure case prior to dossier submission in 2016. So I worked even harder than usual to progress as much as possible on research projects, manuscripts, grants, and university service in order to feel ready.

But in 2015 there were also many milestones. Emilia got her very own passport and we went on our first international trip as a family. We also took trips to Cleveland, Ohiopyle, Washington DC, and Disney World. I was awarded a generous internal grant for my research and submitted other grant proposals that are still pending. My book is under contract with a desirable university press thanks to a very enthusiastic acquisitions editor who has been amazing to work with. Chris and I celebrated 5 years of marriage and grew closer as we shared in happiness and loss. Chris managed his stress and his travels with incredible grace and organization. I also didn't feel the same pangs of dread as his planned trips loomed, knowing that we can do this. Emilia thrived in many activities (music, swimming, library/crafts) and tried but wound up deciding to postpone dance classes and tumbling (which were structured to best suit the older children also in the class).

I felt strong bonds with my parents and siblings as well as my in laws. Our families rallied to support us whenever hard times arose. We made some home improvements including upgrading our kitchen counters, hanging new drywall and painting our bedroom (ok, that was all Chris), installing a new water heater (Chris plus his dad), resurfacing the back patio (Chris too), and probably others I am forgetting. All of these will prepare us to sell if we do find a home we like enough to buy in 2016.

In 2016, we will also welcome a new baby provided everything continues to go well. I am happy to be 12 weeks pregnant even though I have been much more sick and exhausted than I ever was when I was pregnant with Emilia. Being sick is reassuring in its own way and the pregnancy is definitely a bright spot amid the losses of loved ones in October and November. 2015 was difficult but there was also a lot of good. I'm sure 2016 will bring its own challenges and triumphs. I hope your own triumphs are what define your 2016. Happy New Year!

Another goodbye to someone we love

After Chris's dissertation defense, this time in 2013

I didn't make it to the Boden sale. I was presenting at a (locally held but national) conference that day and was eager to spend any extra time I had with family. Chris's stepdad had become very sick and by that point the family decided to bring him home for palliative care. He died that Sunday. It was very sad but we were comforted during three very lovely memorials. And we cried and laughed together as we remembered him. Our big blended family of relatives and step-relatives and in-laws...

He was a great inspiration to many, as an emeritus professor with an extremely productive and impressive academic career. I remember feeling intimidated before meeting him. I knew from roommates and friends that his classes were fascinating and informative. But I still worried because I was new to graduate school and new to academia. I felt insecure and eager to impress him. But he was disarming and warm. He was humble incredibly. And over the years I witnessed the way that he beamed with pride over the accomplishments of his loved ones. He was so proud of his children, stepchildren, and (step)children-in-law. He got to witness many of our milestones and he got to dance at many of our weddings. He saw four of us achieve our own doctoral degrees and follow in his footsteps by forging our own academic careers. And he loved Chris's mom so very much. Their relationship was so strong in the face of a lot of many illnesses and health setbacks over the years.

Many things have occurred these last few weeks that have left us feeling breathless with sadness, both in our personal lives and on a global scale. But as we head into Thanksgiving week and mark Emilia's third birthday, we are trying to focus on the good. That we are together. That we live close enough to lean on each other and try to be as supportive as possible to Chris's mom. That we have many wonderful memories to cherish. Thankfully, the constant presence of a happy toddler helps keep things from feeling impossibly heavy. And I know for certain there are still many reasons to feel thankful.

I just wanted to explain the longer-than-usual blog silence. I will have outfits (a huge backlog, in fact) again soon. Right now just doesn't feel like the right time.

Saying goodbye to Speck

This past weekend we said goodbye to Speck the Dog. She was nearly 18 years old and lived a full, happy life. She was loved fiercely and will be remembered fondly. We are so sad to lose her but her memories bring us happiness and comfort. Speck made us a family and taught us to love more deeply. She was resilient, adapting to multiple moves, plenty of travels, the adoptions of other dogs in her extended family, the birth and eventual toddlerhood of Emilia, and even the transition from her original owner, Zack to us at age 7.

Speck made many appearances on the blog over the years because she enjoyed sitting with my leather bags and photobombing my indoor outfit pics. She also was in many outfit photos when I had Chris snap them on walks.

Speck had a ton of personality and the most expressive face. Her fur coloring made it seem like she had eyebrows and eyeliner. She was quite graceful with much natural beauty. She was happy to be tucked under a blanket or wear a coat or sweater in winter. She was a loving, snuggly dog but didn't care for when adults hugged or danced. And she was suspicious of most men (especially those who were tall and stood nearby). But she loved Chris, Zack, and my dad. She would get upset when we had parties or people over. Especially if someone stood up from a seated position. Although she took a while to warm to new people, once you were in you were in. She'd let you know by happily presenting her belly for pets or "waving her flag" (what we called the extra bit of fur on the end of her small tail).

She loved ice cream, pasta, bread, tomatoes, and any kind of meat. In fact, she went on a food strike that led to us home cooking her food for the last two years of her life. Although it was time consuming, it was the only thing high-maintenance about her at that point (other than our needing to carry her up and down our slippery, steep wooden stairs after she no longer could navigate them safely). Her bladder control was legendary and she loved sleeping in. She couldn't really tolerate long walks anymore and would Shepard us home after half a block if not sooner. But she loved a warm spot. Behind a human knee or laying between two people. She was a consummate seat thief because she knew the spot would be warm. She loved basking in the sun, even if it was only shining through a window during cold weather months.

She was quirky and particular. And I loved her quirks. I respected her particularities and desires for quiet order. She hated vacuuming, fireworks, and thunderstorms. She relished routines and was an adept negotiator when it came to treats. There are so many reasons why she was such a beloved family member.

I am grateful and impressed that she was spry enough up until the end to make this loss feel very sudden, despite her age. And I am sad that she will miss out on this season's piles of crunchy leaves to sniff and walk through. I am sad that she won't see this year's Christmas tree to lay underneath (another favorite of hers). I am sad that she will never again get to make paw tracks in snow or dig in sand. I am sad to lose my helpful crumb-buster and table scrap relish-er. I am sad to never again play the chase game with her and Emilia after Speck's bath. I am sad to never see Speck photobomb another outfit pic of mine. I am sad to never again hear Emilia say "good girl Speck!" or to give Speck a special treat or to have to remind Emilia to pet her gently and give Speck space. I am sad that the next time Chris travels, I won't have anyone to be up with me after Emilia goes to bed.  I am sad to never come home again to her wagging tail and smiling face. I am sad. I am sad. I am sad.

She is integral to so many memories and milestones and for that I will always be grateful. I will treasure those memories. RIP beloved Speck the dog.

The rest of the story is under the cut due to it being a potentially triggering explanation of how she passed.

Looking back and Looking forward

December 2014 was a very full, overwhelming month. Chris was in Africa for work for nearly half of it, during finals week and beyond. This made my final grading period (which is an already stressful time) feel that much more intense. Then a few days after he returned, we flew to Disney World. It was a lot of fun but corresponded with one of Disney World's busiest times of year. We were home just in time to celebrate Christmas, which was wonderful. But soon after Chris began a renovation project that involved moving everything out of our bedroom (where almost all of my clothes and accessories reside). I was grateful to save on labor costs but it was a lot to manage in part because I had a lot of work to do removed from this. I am teaching two new classes this semester so I had a great deal of course prep to complete. I also was trying to finish the revision plan for my book project (which is progressing thanks to the university press who solicited it!!). And even now that I am one week into the new semester, my bedroom remains a work in progress.

Despite this busy time, the end of the holiday season always brings a little sadness. The house feels so empty after we take down the tree. I tried my best to brace Emilia for the change since she loves the decorations. It seems to have helped her understand because I've heard her say, "Christmas over. I sad." Me too, my dear. Me too.

Looking back, 2014 was a very full and at times overwhelming (but mostly great) year. I passed my pre-tenure review. I helped start a company that secured angel investment and launched a mobile app. I received an award for my dissertation and presented my work at conferences. I visited Cleveland, Anna Maria Island, Ft. Lauderdale, Washington DC, Minneapolis/St. Paul, and Orlando. I learned that I can manage parenting and running the house while Chris is literally an ocean away because of work (thank goodness for extended family who live nearby, especially my mom, sister, and mother-in-law). I was contacted by a university press about my research. And so I proposed and thankfully heard favorable word about my dissertation book project. I congratulated loved ones who got married, were promoted, became engaged, were pregnant, had babies, and more. My own mother retired from her career of 37+ years to pursue many interests, including helping me balance my own career with motherhood. She now watches Emilia for me which has been amazing.

There was a lot to celebrate. And most excitingly perhaps, I saw Emilia, my completely delightful, terrific 2 year old, grow, change, learn, and revel. With every passing moment I marvel over how she is my favorite, right here, right now. She just keeps being my favorite with every development and change. Chris and I are in awe over our fun, sweet, smart, and cool kiddo. And after getting through this year, particularly during the difficult periods when we were apart due to his often stressful, intense job, I grew that much more in love and in like with Chris. It is very hard to be apart, particularly because I see how confusing it is for Emilia. Even now, almost a month after his most recent return, she asks me with much worry "where's daddy?" if she can't find him in the morning. But even with the travel, we are so lucky that he has this job. We are lucky that we both have jobs that enable us to live near our extended families and in a city we love so much. Considering that we're both academics, it feels that much more fortunate to have chosen where we get to live and work. I hope we continue to be so fortunate.

Looking forward, I want to keep perspective. I want my gratitude to neutralize my stress completely, but for me, that's unrealistic.  At minimum, I hope that I don't lose sight of the good when I am in the inevitable throes of overwhelm in 2015. There were times during 2014 when it was difficult to see the forest. Especially when Chris was half a world away from us. But toward the end of Chris's second trip to Africa, I really began to get a footing. It also helped that his wifi in the hotels got subsequently more consistent with each trip. Facetime was our lifeline. This year when he goes, I will have my own little routine of how to run things alone. It won't be easy while teaching two new classes, revising my book manuscript, and taking care of a 2 year old and an elderly dog. But I know from experience that we will get through it. Hopefully we will thrive. Happy (belated) new year!

What I wore to Chris's dissertation defense

Photo from my campus, as I repeated the ensemble for work

Leading up to it, I wasn't sure if Chris was going to include family among the attendants at his dissertation defense. The protocol in his school and field are such that most often only the committee and doctoral candidate are there. But that week, he decided to break with the norm and include some loved ones (with the blessing of his committee). His mom and stepfather attended as well as Emilia and me. My parents and siblings wanted to attend also but the short notice (and pre-Thanksgiving timing) meant that it was too difficult to arrange work schedules.

My mother-in-law and I took turns wrangling Emilia and got to see him present his work. I'll never forget the moment when she pointed up to Chris who was explaining a PowerPoint slide and exclaimed, "DADA!!" The whole room stifled giggles but it was still my cue to take her into his office to play while he finished. We went to Legume Bistro (which was also the site of our engagement dinner) to celebrate afterwards. It was a wonderful day that I will never forget! Emilia will not have her own memories but we will help her with photos and stories. In just a year, she's attended two defenses!

Outfit details:
Anthropologie Tibur Cardigan
J. Crew Factory Retro Ponte Dress 
Ferragamo My Joy flats
Kors watch; David Yurman necklace; Amber pendant necklace (gift from Chris)

On Emilia: Isabella Garreton dress, First Impressions sweater, Stride Rite maryjanes, Gymboree tights

On Chris: Shipley and Halmos suit, Rag and Bone shirt, Vintage tie (gift from me)

"Dr. Jesspgh"

 

My defense was on Monday and it was wonderful, albeit draining. I usually feel pretty confident in my oral presentation skills and I also have learned to trust my ability to think on the fly. But lately I've been sleep deprived. Emilia's teething and going through some developmental leaps that have made her more wakeful the last few weeks. And because I've needed every spare minute of revision and prep time, I've regularly been up of my own volition until 2am or later. So I was nervous about my brain's ability to perform in the moment. That said, I'm sure I would have been nervous no matter what. Thankfully my worries were for nothing. After all (and as I kept reassuring myself), I was the only person in the room who studied the topic with the amount of detail required to write a dissertation!

My family, including my parents, siblings, two parents-in-law, husband, and daughter attended! I wasn't sure whether I would want them there but my advisor encouraged me, saying it would be nice to have them be a part of what he felt was going to be a positive, memorable day. He was right and I'm glad I listened to him! I will always remember taking a deep breath before I began my presentation, and pausing to feel my throat tighten with emotion, knowing that the day was even more special because the room was full of those who rooted for me all along. Afterwards, Chris called me "Dr. Jesspgh" on twitter and many friends have repeated the joke since.

I wore an outfit that ... fit (Kate Spade dress, J. Crew cardigan). Years ago when I envisioned my defense, I had very specific ideas about what I wanted to wear. But when it came down to it, all the ideas suited cold weather (something wool to convey a professional vibe but still interesting, like this blazer but in an army green color), without the constraints of breastfeeding (that said, it is rare that I need to nurse Emilia when we're out and about... she's easily distracted and I had a bottle of pumped milk so my sister could feed her in the hallway if she fussed). So I went with what is familiar and comfortable and special enough. It didn't occur to me to snap a full outfit shot. But it's a repeat anyway. The day was special enough without a new outfit.

I am wrapping up a few minor revisions so that my document suits the (surprisingly draconian) requirements for ETD, then I have a huge backlog of reviews, outfits, and a sweet skincare giveaway to post. I'd like to get the giveaway up this weekend, if all goes well. Stay tuned!

A quick note on motherhood style

I'm only five months in but my mom style is definitely more casual and relaxed than ever. It is more machine washable and separates-focused. I wear a lot of pants these days (sometimes even the ones with elastic waistbands cause... why not?!). My wardrobe is both more comfortable and more stretchy than it was prior to pregnancy and birth. I take more photos in general but less photos of myself (unless they're phone pics). I rarely have time to take head-to-toe outfit photos.

I don't feel like I can dress up as much. But I also don't feel like I have to. I don't have as many dresses that I can wear (at least for now while I am breastfeeding). I don't spend as much time fretting over what to wear or trying on a million things. I don't have as much time to shop or bargain hunt. I don't have as much fun shopping for myself as I do for my little one.

(photo from our NYC trip by Michael or China... the dog is also theirs!)

And I wouldn't have it any other way. Happy Mother's Day to you and yours!

Spectacular Spectacles

Every November, Chris and I look forward to the Norman Childs sale at Pittsburgh's local chain, Eyetique. There are a bunch of locations in nearby neighborhoods and malls, but for the sake of East End convenience we tend to stick with the Shadyside store. The space is small but efficient, lined with mirrors, and a comfy bench seat. Its proximity to the Apple Store also means that when we make Genius Bar appointments, we fold in time to browse the selection of frames.

We favor the Norman Childs brand because of its commitment to quality. Sure, they are not as affordable as some brands, but each pair is carefully designed and made in the US. And it feels great to support a local designer who has had national and international success. 

I've worn glasses since second grade. I remember feeling pretty proud of my giant red plastic "Sally Jesse Raphael"/Becca from "Life Goes On" frames in the later years of grade school. And by middle school, I added contacts to my repertoire. I never stopped enjoying the process of shopping for new glasses. If anything, contacts made it easier to see how I looked in different styles, despite my bad vision.

On the day I ultimately went into labor, Chris and I decided to check out the sale. We had a fancy brunch at Meat and Potatoes, downtown. And we had a few errands to run before my mom came over to help me set up our holiday decor and organize the nursery. We stopped to check out the sale along the way. Chris and I both selected new glasses and didn't realize that when we would go to pick them up, we would have a new baby (who will likely need to wear glasses of her own some day)! Above is our in-store family photo. I'll never forget my "labor day" and my new glasses serve as a fun reminder of it.

Postpartum bodies and newborn photoshoots

My very sweet mother-in-law gifted to Chris and me the opportunity to have Emilia photographed as a newborn by one of her coworkers who also has a side business as a photographer (Keja Photography). We hoped to get a few family shots while the photographer was in our home because ... we don't often have photographers in our home. So just 6 days postpartum, I found myself facing the conundrum of dressing my new mom body for the camera. Thankfully, my ankles decided to come back to me that morning and I was generally feeling on the mend. Of course we were both pretty sleep deprived. Chris and I hadn't slept much in the hospital due to adrenaline, interruptions, and the tasks of taking care of a new baby. By the time we got home, things weren't much different. But I grabbed one of my favorite maternity dresses (by Maternal America), put on some make up, and smiled for the camera. The baby was a total trooper and slept through most of the pictures. My mom and mother-in-law played dutiful photo assistants.

Although it is easy in this new state of physical transition to be critical of myself, I'm glad I decided to be photographed. A few months ago I read an article by Allison Tate about keeping mothers in photos... she writes that so often moms of all ages shy away from having their picture taken, lamenting x, y, or z random self-critiqued aspect of their physical appearance. The results are that negative self-talk becomes normalized (further) and children wind up with fewer photos of their mothers throughout life. I didn't want to capitulate to the temptations of bashing my post-baby body, even if it feels very unfamiliar to me and (similar to pregnancy) brings its own set of physical discomforts.

Like anyone else, I have good and bad body image days. This was true before and during pregnancy, as I am sure it will be now that I'm postpartum. I will say that during pregnancy it felt as though my pangs over body image were amplified in part due to the unknown and uncontrollable aspects of inhabiting a pregnant body. But no matter how critical I felt toward the end and how unfamiliar my postpartum body feels to me currently, I am determined to embrace positivity and cut myself some slack for my daughter, if not for myself. It's hard enough to grow up weathering the pervasive social expectations heaped on women and girls without also hearing it from one's parents.

Besides, this body grew and nourished my eventual child. Knowing that, I can't knock it too hard! 

Meet Emilia Irene (what I wore home from the hospital)

Two weeks ago, I finally met the tiny creature responsible for all the anticipation, excitement, and heartburn that I've felt since last March. And I find her to be totally fascinating. Of course, I'm biased.

I want to be clear that I have no intentions for the scope of this blog to shift. But my changing shape and the variable of nursing have introduced new wardrobe challenges that will be addressed here. In the meanwhile I figured I should introduce my daughter. More photos will be shared on my pregnancy/parenting blog.

What I wore the night I went into labor...

I have a lot of maternity style outfits and brand reviews to get through on here but am a little busier than usual. So I wanted to share my outfit of the night I went into labor.

Target fox sweater dress (knockoff of this)
Maternity Tights by Assets
Payless flats

Baby Emilia Irene is doing well. Although I'm tired, same goes for me. I'll be sharing photos soon enough.

Scenes from a baby shower

With the aunts-to-be!

This past weekend I had the first of my baby showers. It was hosted by Chris's mom and stepmom, who worked beautifully together to throw a very nice party. The food was delicious and there were plenty of sweet treats too. I was happy to be surrounded by wise women of all ages, whose support and encouragement help me feel confident and enthusiastic about becoming a mother.

My friend China (who I wrote about here) came back to Pittsburgh from New York for the occasion. It was so fantastic to see her and catch up! My mom and sister also made the drive from far south of Pittsburgh to far north, in order to be a part of the festivities.  It was a great day to spend time with women I love. Chris came for the latter portion of the shower to say hello and help us transport all the gifts and donations that we collected for the food bank,* back to the city.

With the grandmas-to-be!

Everyone was incredibly sweet and made me feel comfortable in my changing (and growing) skin. I joked with the guests that I felt and looked smaller just a few days prior. I swear my belly popped even more, seemingly overnight, and just in time for the occasion! The room was full of kind, thoughtful, generous loved ones. And in turn, Chris and I felt very loved and immensely grateful.

Outfit details: I wore a More of Me Maternity faux wrap dress with a camisole (because I knew I would be in front of too many people to show a lot of visible cleavage without feeling exposed). I also wore extremely comfortable maternity tights by Assets! Assets is Spanx's diffusion line and I was pleasantly surprised to find pairs on clearance for $5 at my local Tuesday Morning. The quality of these tights seems pretty good and they don't have the dreaded shine of a lot of affordable hosiery.

*To follow up our Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank benefit, held to correspond with our wedding (blogged here), the shower hostesses coordinated a baby food drive where we collected donations from the guests. We both thought it was a great idea and it allowed us to do some good while we were so generously showered with baby things.

Two years ago...

We spent the day enveloped by love. I feel more lucky and more in love with every passing moment and milestone. And in just two months we'll have made our duo into three. I can't anticipate fully how our lives will change. I can't know for certain that everything is going to get even better. Things have been so good already. And I imagine some things we take for granted will become a lot harder. But I do know that I am excited immensely to parent with my partner in life and love. He is a great husband and he's going to be an amazing dad. Happy Anniversary! 

Sex reveal (cross posted)

I'm of the perspective that neutral baby things are ideal for first pregnancies, after all if your family expands further it is great for your items to be versatile. I also just enjoy neutral, bright colors. Pastels are pretty but in my own personal (and clumsy) experience, pretty shows more dirt, spills, messes, and stains.

Still, I am a little too excited to keep the sex of the fetus a secret until December. And Chris and I are a little too impatient to wait for a surprise (though we admire deeply the parents who do wait! When else in your life can you experience such an incredible moment of shared surprise?!). So, I am thrilled to announce what we're having (which confirms the suspicions and instincts of many of our family and friends, all along)!

My mom presented me with this bracelet that she purchased in the hospital gift shop when we were told what we're having during my anatomy ultrasound. I laughed through happy tears and asked if she had a blue one too, just in case. She said she didn't think she'd need it. Although she had a 50% chance of being right, I am still fairly amazed by her insistence throughout my pregnancy.

I still gravitate toward neutral items and (as a person mindful about gender fluidity) will be resistant to gender-normative ideas regarding character and personality traits while the fetus remains in utero and through her earliest months and years of life. But it is hard to deny the epic adorable that is girl baby clothing!

Thank you for all the kind words and messages of support along the way. It's been really heartening to hear from other women who have already begun their families, who plan to begin a family, and/or who are enthusiastic about others' choices to begin families. It means a lot to me. xo

You're in my heart so until then...

From June 2011, when China and I ate our way through New Orleans.

It is embarrassing to admit the level of sap that is circulating around my household at the moment. Two of Chris's and my closest friends, Michael and China are moving to New York and I have been humming a sad but lovely song from Muppets Take Manhattan all week. It is from where the title of this post came.

Together at my post wedding brunch.

Although I made references to China frequently on my blog, I have never talked about her directly or by name. You see, she was the food critic for the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and had to maintain relative anonymity for the sake of her job. Chris and I joined China and Michael on quite a few review meals so it was crucial that we weren't connected easily to her via social media. In fact I realized that I have very few photos of her or of us together, even though we spent a great deal of time in each other's company over the last number of years. I did mention Michael a few times, like this post about when he and Chris inadvertently dressed like twins.

Great minds dress alike.

Both Michael and China are very stylish, not to mention intelligent, kind, fun, and generous. China's style in particular was influential to me because she always seemed to exude that effortless elegance that left me feeling both inspired and disheveled in her company. Early in our friendship I toiled over what to wear when I'd see her, so intent on making a favorable impression (and so insecure back then).

Clothes have been a thing that I've thought too much about for far too long. But China is one of those women who is stylish without allowing clothes to define her or speak for her. I suppose when you are a journalist it makes sense that your voice would become much more central to your identity than material things. This isn't to say that she doesn't have an enviable closet. She just didn't seem to obsess over it the way some people do. I have always admired that about her. I actually admire countless things about her and her husband but because this is a personal shopping and style blog, those musings wouldn't fit the purview of this space.

 Early in our friendship at a bday party.

Chris and I met Michael in Friendship Park, walking our similarly anxious Jack Russell dogs. They seemed to hate each other but we really hit it off.

  A temporary ceasefire.

This was before China became the food critic, when we were all graduate students pursuing different fields. Our friendship developed rapidly around a shared love for cooking, travel, engaged conversation, and pop culture (especially baseball, as well as Mad Men and Parks and Rec once they were on TV). With each passing year it felt more and more fitting that our history began in "Friendship Park."

We helped Michael conjure a ruse for his engagement proposal and eventually flew to the Bay Area for their beautiful wedding in 2008. China (with Michael's help) actually made our wedding cake in 2010. It was the most beautiful, delicious, and complex gift we've ever received! This was no small wedding and China had never made a wedding cake before.

Our respective weddings. 

They're the type of friends you hope to have for life, who you are sad to see move away, but who you will plan trips around, and hopefully visit often. We will miss you guys so much!!