Another year older...

Today, I am 32. And as I settle further into that phase of life during which people find it increasingly polite to avoid any direct age-related inquiries, I feel more comfortable than ever in my own aging skin. When I was old enough to understand it, my parents told me about how my father struggled with turning 30. To him it marked an end of carefree youthfulness. But I should clarify that my parents have always struck me as profoundly youthful. Age for them now seems to be more about attitude and affect.

On some level, the very thought of being upset by my age feels silly. I'll take 32 year old me over 22 year old me any day of the week. This time ten years ago, my self-esteem was abysmal. My long-term relationship was swiftly deteriorating. I was about to graduate from college and my future was frighteningly uncertain. Although I was lucky to have great friends, few responsibilities, and lots of free time to do fun things, in retrospect I am glad to be through it. Don't get me wrong. I don't feel any regrets over my 20s but I am just happy they're over.

I think about my life now and feel pretty great. I'm a product of the learning and the experiences I endured as an insecure 22 year old. And sometimes I wish I could go back in time and provide comfort that reassures someone so uncertain. For this reason I do try to hug my little sister often. She is ten years younger than me and although she has a lot going for her and is about to graduate college with a cumulative gpa that exceeds my best single undergraduate semesters, I also realize that even the most exciting of transitions are still hard and sometimes fraught.

I wore the above ensemble to deliver a keynote address to the new inductees of our freshman honor society. And I wanted to hug them too because they just successfully weathered such a major transition, from high school to college. Transitions can be difficult but at least they make us more resilient and better capable of weathering any change to come.

I am glad 22 year old me decided to take some time entering the workforce before pursuing an advanced degree. I'm grateful that I eventually began graduate study and met a special someone doing something similar. And I am happy to report that both my early-20s ex boyfriend and I found more stable, more fulfilling, and more mature relationships with our new partners. From my vantage, all of the above is evidence of how good it is to be older... to get older.

Of course it has taken me a bit longer than I expected it would to feel this way. I really identify with  the internal monologue scene from Singles during which Bridget Fonda's character reflects on how teenage her viewed the ages of 23 and 25. I thought as a teen that my life trajectory would closely mimic my parents, who married at 23, had kids by 26, and were settled into careers right after college. But at least within my social circle, an ever-lengthening American post-adolescence has changed the landscape of what it means to be in your thirties. For me, it no longer carries the same connotations it once did when my father was struggling with the existential questions brought forth from being new to this same age bracket. Still, it's funny and unsurprising how birthdays (both the welcomed and the un-welcomed) provoke reflection and stock-taking.

I have a lot to be grateful for and there are a lot of exciting things I'm anticipating in the coming year. So amid the process of taking stock, I welcome the next phase of my life with open arms.

Outfit info:
Kate Spade Calista dress (bought this time last year) (similar KS; similar other)
BP cardigan
Burberry Brit trench (this season's version here) from (Larrimor's)
Spanx tights
Marc by Marc Jacobs pumps (similar here and here)
Vintage initial necklace (gift from my secret santa), Target bracelet, Betsy Johnson watch