Happy Holidays, 2015!

In many ways, 2015 was one of the hardest years for my family. Chris's stepdad died. Our beloved Speck did too. We tried but were unable to find the perfect second home. We began planning to get pregnant again which resulted in my catching a chemical (early) miscarriage. Emilia had her first illness that required antibiotics (a particularly stubborn ear infection). And the illness plus side effects from the antibiotics combined with her two-year-old-ness to create a perfect storm of weight loss, food aversions, and newfound pickiness from which we still haven't recovered completely. She *is* happily back on track growth-wise and in double digit percentiles again but the stress over her food refusal defined my first few months of 2015. And that wasn't the only source of stress. Chris continued to travel far distances for weeks at a time and work under tremendous pressure for his job. And I was under my own intense work pressures. I knew that 2015 was my last chance to boost my tenure case prior to dossier submission in 2016. So I worked even harder than usual to progress as much as possible on research projects, manuscripts, grants, and university service in order to feel ready.

But in 2015 there were also many milestones. Emilia got her very own passport and we went on our first international trip as a family. We also took trips to Cleveland, Ohiopyle, Washington DC, and Disney World. I was awarded a generous internal grant for my research and submitted other grant proposals that are still pending. My book is under contract with a desirable university press thanks to a very enthusiastic acquisitions editor who has been amazing to work with. Chris and I celebrated 5 years of marriage and grew closer as we shared in happiness and loss. Chris managed his stress and his travels with incredible grace and organization. I also didn't feel the same pangs of dread as his planned trips loomed, knowing that we can do this. Emilia thrived in many activities (music, swimming, library/crafts) and tried but wound up deciding to postpone dance classes and tumbling (which were structured to best suit the older children also in the class).

I felt strong bonds with my parents and siblings as well as my in laws. Our families rallied to support us whenever hard times arose. We made some home improvements including upgrading our kitchen counters, hanging new drywall and painting our bedroom (ok, that was all Chris), installing a new water heater (Chris plus his dad), resurfacing the back patio (Chris too), and probably others I am forgetting. All of these will prepare us to sell if we do find a home we like enough to buy in 2016.

In 2016, we will also welcome a new baby provided everything continues to go well. I am happy to be 12 weeks pregnant even though I have been much more sick and exhausted than I ever was when I was pregnant with Emilia. Being sick is reassuring in its own way and the pregnancy is definitely a bright spot amid the losses of loved ones in October and November. 2015 was difficult but there was also a lot of good. I'm sure 2016 will bring its own challenges and triumphs. I hope your own triumphs are what define your 2016. Happy New Year!

Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Birthday Emilia!

This year, Emilia turns 3 on Thanksgiving. It seems fitting incredibly for my first child to have arrived during a time when I'm prone to reflect happily and with gratitude on the many blessings in my life. I feel truly lucky to watch her bubbly, precocious, delightful personality develop. She is full of enthusiasm and curiosity. She is a fierce negotiator with sound reasoning skills. She can be strong willed and stubborn but she has a very keen sense of empathy and is quite kind. I am biased but I think she's wonderful. Happy Birthday, sweet girl!

Although this holiday feels a bit less full without Chris's stepfather and without Speck the dog, I am still glad to spend it with many of our extended family members. I reap the very tangible benefits of geographic proximity constantly and am so lucky to live near my parents and siblings and Chris's parents and siblings. I am glad we can be here for Chris's mom during a very difficult time. I am glad to see how close Emilia has bonded with everyone.

I am grateful for my husband, who is a true partner to me and who's intellect and humor and affection continue to captivate me after 12 years of togetherness (5 years of marriage). Our family benefits materially and logistically from his strong work ethic, his handiness, his ambition, and his skills in the kitchen. I feel closer to him than ever as we have shared in so many happy celebrations and milestones but also experienced great loss.

I am grateful for my job and even more so that my job feels like a career. I am really lucky to get to meet optimistic, driven young people full of promise and resilience. I try to help them reach their potential and progress toward their goals. I also try to remember what it was like when I was in their shoes. I hope to honor the fact that every one of them is held dear by someone so I should treat them accordingly. I am grateful also for my colleagues who have been supportive and encouraging as I've progressed toward tenure. The mentoring I've received has been beneficial tremendously and it is a pleasure working with so many intelligent and enjoyable people.

I am grateful for the opportunities I have been afforded and how they have helped shape and refine me as well as my view of the world. I am grateful to have lived a life of tremendous stability and security. It is something that can be easy to take for granted but something I need to remember, particularly in the context of what is happening in the world.

I am grateful that the world is full of so many helpers and good people who maintain optimism in the face of very frightening and upsetting conditions. I am grateful for those who fight for fairness and humanity in the face of corruption, injustice, and terror. With the tragedies and atrocities that unfolded over the last year, it can be tempting to take a cynical view or to let fear overtake one's sense of humanity. It is disappointing particularly to witness the political tone and tenor during this election cycle, as it has quite clearly opened up safer spaces for some people to be bigoted and hateful toward anyone they deem "other." It is actually beyond disappointing. It is outright scary. But I still think that reason and decency and kindness and civility will always prevail. I hope that those public figures who are capitalizing on a fearful time to fan the flames of racism will learn that fear mongering and hatred are not effective or sustainable tools for governance in a democracy.

I hope that generosity, kindness, and goodwill will define the coming weeks of the holiday season and I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Looking back and Looking forward

December 2014 was a very full, overwhelming month. Chris was in Africa for work for nearly half of it, during finals week and beyond. This made my final grading period (which is an already stressful time) feel that much more intense. Then a few days after he returned, we flew to Disney World. It was a lot of fun but corresponded with one of Disney World's busiest times of year. We were home just in time to celebrate Christmas, which was wonderful. But soon after Chris began a renovation project that involved moving everything out of our bedroom (where almost all of my clothes and accessories reside). I was grateful to save on labor costs but it was a lot to manage in part because I had a lot of work to do removed from this. I am teaching two new classes this semester so I had a great deal of course prep to complete. I also was trying to finish the revision plan for my book project (which is progressing thanks to the university press who solicited it!!). And even now that I am one week into the new semester, my bedroom remains a work in progress.

Despite this busy time, the end of the holiday season always brings a little sadness. The house feels so empty after we take down the tree. I tried my best to brace Emilia for the change since she loves the decorations. It seems to have helped her understand because I've heard her say, "Christmas over. I sad." Me too, my dear. Me too.

Looking back, 2014 was a very full and at times overwhelming (but mostly great) year. I passed my pre-tenure review. I helped start a company that secured angel investment and launched a mobile app. I received an award for my dissertation and presented my work at conferences. I visited Cleveland, Anna Maria Island, Ft. Lauderdale, Washington DC, Minneapolis/St. Paul, and Orlando. I learned that I can manage parenting and running the house while Chris is literally an ocean away because of work (thank goodness for extended family who live nearby, especially my mom, sister, and mother-in-law). I was contacted by a university press about my research. And so I proposed and thankfully heard favorable word about my dissertation book project. I congratulated loved ones who got married, were promoted, became engaged, were pregnant, had babies, and more. My own mother retired from her career of 37+ years to pursue many interests, including helping me balance my own career with motherhood. She now watches Emilia for me which has been amazing.

There was a lot to celebrate. And most excitingly perhaps, I saw Emilia, my completely delightful, terrific 2 year old, grow, change, learn, and revel. With every passing moment I marvel over how she is my favorite, right here, right now. She just keeps being my favorite with every development and change. Chris and I are in awe over our fun, sweet, smart, and cool kiddo. And after getting through this year, particularly during the difficult periods when we were apart due to his often stressful, intense job, I grew that much more in love and in like with Chris. It is very hard to be apart, particularly because I see how confusing it is for Emilia. Even now, almost a month after his most recent return, she asks me with much worry "where's daddy?" if she can't find him in the morning. But even with the travel, we are so lucky that he has this job. We are lucky that we both have jobs that enable us to live near our extended families and in a city we love so much. Considering that we're both academics, it feels that much more fortunate to have chosen where we get to live and work. I hope we continue to be so fortunate.

Looking forward, I want to keep perspective. I want my gratitude to neutralize my stress completely, but for me, that's unrealistic.  At minimum, I hope that I don't lose sight of the good when I am in the inevitable throes of overwhelm in 2015. There were times during 2014 when it was difficult to see the forest. Especially when Chris was half a world away from us. But toward the end of Chris's second trip to Africa, I really began to get a footing. It also helped that his wifi in the hotels got subsequently more consistent with each trip. Facetime was our lifeline. This year when he goes, I will have my own little routine of how to run things alone. It won't be easy while teaching two new classes, revising my book manuscript, and taking care of a 2 year old and an elderly dog. But I know from experience that we will get through it. Hopefully we will thrive. Happy (belated) new year!