Better than a birthday gift!

My birthday was Tuesday but I got a real present in late March with the announcement of this year's grantees from the National Endowment for the Humanities. My book project was selected to receive a small but prestigious grant. You can read about it here. I am very excited and proud because their process for selection is quite rigorous. It feels legitimizing and gives me a (much needed) confidence boost.

It almost goes without saying that I am so. behind. on. blogging. I wish that I had more time for it but my (non-family, non-pregnancy) priorities are (out of necessity) my book project, my tenure dossier, my teaching, my committee service responsibilities, and my consulting work. These things are how I provide for my family and how I fulfill my career ambitions. They take precedent. I do still take outfit (and weekly bump) photos. I am amassing a huge backlog and will eventually post them. I just don't have as much time as I need to be able to do all of the things I want to do.

Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Birthday Emilia!

This year, Emilia turns 3 on Thanksgiving. It seems fitting incredibly for my first child to have arrived during a time when I'm prone to reflect happily and with gratitude on the many blessings in my life. I feel truly lucky to watch her bubbly, precocious, delightful personality develop. She is full of enthusiasm and curiosity. She is a fierce negotiator with sound reasoning skills. She can be strong willed and stubborn but she has a very keen sense of empathy and is quite kind. I am biased but I think she's wonderful. Happy Birthday, sweet girl!

Although this holiday feels a bit less full without Chris's stepfather and without Speck the dog, I am still glad to spend it with many of our extended family members. I reap the very tangible benefits of geographic proximity constantly and am so lucky to live near my parents and siblings and Chris's parents and siblings. I am glad we can be here for Chris's mom during a very difficult time. I am glad to see how close Emilia has bonded with everyone.

I am grateful for my husband, who is a true partner to me and who's intellect and humor and affection continue to captivate me after 12 years of togetherness (5 years of marriage). Our family benefits materially and logistically from his strong work ethic, his handiness, his ambition, and his skills in the kitchen. I feel closer to him than ever as we have shared in so many happy celebrations and milestones but also experienced great loss.

I am grateful for my job and even more so that my job feels like a career. I am really lucky to get to meet optimistic, driven young people full of promise and resilience. I try to help them reach their potential and progress toward their goals. I also try to remember what it was like when I was in their shoes. I hope to honor the fact that every one of them is held dear by someone so I should treat them accordingly. I am grateful also for my colleagues who have been supportive and encouraging as I've progressed toward tenure. The mentoring I've received has been beneficial tremendously and it is a pleasure working with so many intelligent and enjoyable people.

I am grateful for the opportunities I have been afforded and how they have helped shape and refine me as well as my view of the world. I am grateful to have lived a life of tremendous stability and security. It is something that can be easy to take for granted but something I need to remember, particularly in the context of what is happening in the world.

I am grateful that the world is full of so many helpers and good people who maintain optimism in the face of very frightening and upsetting conditions. I am grateful for those who fight for fairness and humanity in the face of corruption, injustice, and terror. With the tragedies and atrocities that unfolded over the last year, it can be tempting to take a cynical view or to let fear overtake one's sense of humanity. It is disappointing particularly to witness the political tone and tenor during this election cycle, as it has quite clearly opened up safer spaces for some people to be bigoted and hateful toward anyone they deem "other." It is actually beyond disappointing. It is outright scary. But I still think that reason and decency and kindness and civility will always prevail. I hope that those public figures who are capitalizing on a fearful time to fan the flames of racism will learn that fear mongering and hatred are not effective or sustainable tools for governance in a democracy.

I hope that generosity, kindness, and goodwill will define the coming weeks of the holiday season and I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving.

On Gratitude in 2014

(Sightseeing in the Twin Cities during conference travels)

There are many reasons to feel overwhelm and upset over the political landscape in the United States at the moment. And the Thanksgiving celebration itself is not exempt from enduring and legitimate reasons to feel anger over the power structures that perpetuate inequality, violence, and marginalization in this country. But for the sake of optimism and for the sake of setting an example to my now two-year-old daughter (!!!), I also want to take a moment to reflect and feel grateful.

Over the last year, I watched my child set foot in the ocean for the first time. I traveled a lot with her and Chris for work and for fun. I took a leap of faith with some friends and started a company. I was asked to submit and I submitted my book proposal (cross your fingers! I am still waiting to hear word about an advanced contract). I saw my mom retire from her lengthy and fulfilling career as a public educator (to help take care of Emilia for us while we work). I got to witness Chris's delight upon going to Pirates' Spring Training for the first time. I saw four couples (friends and family) get married. I got Speck the dog to stop a hunger strike by home-cooking elaborate (for a dog) meals to suit her increasingly persnickety 17 year old palate. I continued to grow closer with extended family members as they demonstrated their depth of love for my daughter (as well as Chris and me). And I continued to feel more in love than ever with Chris.

It wasn't always sunshine and roses. At times I felt spread more thin than ever before in my life. I lost my temper. I lost my keys. I lost track of my perpetually unfinished to-do lists. I barely made time to do things I should do like go to the gym, read fiction, or prioritize other forms of self care. I wasn't supermom or super wife. I wasn't super professor or super friend. I wasn't super daughter or super co-founder. When you wear too many hats you wear them all a little less well than you could under more ideal circumstances. But I am grateful for the experiences I gained from trying.

Emilia turns two today (drafting the day before Thanksgiving) and she is the light of my (and Chris's and her extended family's) life. She is so funny, silly, and smart. She's so courageous, empathetic, and kind. She has big strong feelings that come on fast because she's realizing the scale of the world in relation to herself. She teaches me so much about myself. I am grateful for those lessons. I am grateful for this light.

We have conversations now. Me and her... just us two gals talking about life and cookies and Speck the dog and daddy and Minnie Mouse. It's pretty great. I am really lucky.

It's not lost on me that there's a lot to feel upset about in the world this week. There are a lot of people who feel bogged down and disappointed (myself included). But there's also a lot for which to be grateful. When the news confirms that there's much work to do to make this a more equitable, humane, just, and good world, that gratitude I feel becomes a motivating force. It makes me want to try harder to increase the good in the world for all. Happy Thanksgiving!

"Dr. Jesspgh"

 

My defense was on Monday and it was wonderful, albeit draining. I usually feel pretty confident in my oral presentation skills and I also have learned to trust my ability to think on the fly. But lately I've been sleep deprived. Emilia's teething and going through some developmental leaps that have made her more wakeful the last few weeks. And because I've needed every spare minute of revision and prep time, I've regularly been up of my own volition until 2am or later. So I was nervous about my brain's ability to perform in the moment. That said, I'm sure I would have been nervous no matter what. Thankfully my worries were for nothing. After all (and as I kept reassuring myself), I was the only person in the room who studied the topic with the amount of detail required to write a dissertation!

My family, including my parents, siblings, two parents-in-law, husband, and daughter attended! I wasn't sure whether I would want them there but my advisor encouraged me, saying it would be nice to have them be a part of what he felt was going to be a positive, memorable day. He was right and I'm glad I listened to him! I will always remember taking a deep breath before I began my presentation, and pausing to feel my throat tighten with emotion, knowing that the day was even more special because the room was full of those who rooted for me all along. Afterwards, Chris called me "Dr. Jesspgh" on twitter and many friends have repeated the joke since.

I wore an outfit that ... fit (Kate Spade dress, J. Crew cardigan). Years ago when I envisioned my defense, I had very specific ideas about what I wanted to wear. But when it came down to it, all the ideas suited cold weather (something wool to convey a professional vibe but still interesting, like this blazer but in an army green color), without the constraints of breastfeeding (that said, it is rare that I need to nurse Emilia when we're out and about... she's easily distracted and I had a bottle of pumped milk so my sister could feed her in the hallway if she fussed). So I went with what is familiar and comfortable and special enough. It didn't occur to me to snap a full outfit shot. But it's a repeat anyway. The day was special enough without a new outfit.

I am wrapping up a few minor revisions so that my document suits the (surprisingly draconian) requirements for ETD, then I have a huge backlog of reviews, outfits, and a sweet skincare giveaway to post. I'd like to get the giveaway up this weekend, if all goes well. Stay tuned!

So many reasons to give thanks

On this Thanksgiving Day in 2012, I feel not only very pregnant with an active and (from all indications) healthy fetus, but I am pregnant with much good fortune. Although my life is far from perfect, I know that it suits me and my so-called problems are manageable, particularly when I think about them in juxtaposition with the legitimate hardship and challenges facing so many others in America and around the world. The opportunity to give thanks should not only be about counting one's blessings but also about thinking creatively and with generosity through the myriad of ways to pay forward one's good fortune. Whether it be through volunteering, through monetary or material donation, through kindness, or through key moments of empathetic exchange with others, there are very many avenues through which to do just that.

I love this holiday for a bunch of reasons that I've counted in previous posts. But to reiterate, I love that Thanksgiving is a secular national holiday. If we discount Black Friday's growing encroachment, it's not at all about material acquisition (more on that tomorrow). Thanksgiving also involves an inordinate amount of food, side dishes, and desserts. But most of all, it encourages people to linger in the space of gratitude for longer than they would otherwise. And for a lot of us, that practice of giving thanks gets ritualized and shared around the table with loved ones. Since I was a child my family has been in the habit of going around the room and talking about the aspects of life for which we're grateful.

This year I am so thankful for my loved ones who have been incredibly enthusiastic and supportive of this new family-friendly venture that my partner and I have decided to pursue. I am thankful to be adequately insured and have access to capable medical care. I am thankful for my job and for understanding coworkers (who treat me and my impending maternity leave as something to celebrate rather than be burdened from). I am thankful for my students who not only motivate me to want to learn more, try harder, be better, etc., but who have been very sweet and caring in response to my "delicate' condition. I am thankful for my partner who is as kind, generous, supportive, and loving as he is hilarious, whip-smart, and hardworking. I am thankful for our parents who will give our child a grandparenting experience 6-persons strong! As someone who grew up knowing only one of her grandparents, it is not lost on my how unique and lucky she'll be. I am thankful for so much more than I can articulate in such a confined writerly space. 

Most of the time I believe that the world could use more gratitude and more hefty helpings of empathy. But on this particular holiday it feels as if we collectively come a bit closer to reaching our "thankful" and reflective potential. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!

Here are some organizations that do a lot of good locally:

Greater Pittsburgh Community Food Bank
Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh
Family House
Women and Girls Foundation
Blackburn Center Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Pittsburgh Promise
The Pittsburgh Foundation

Consume or Consumed (and me) featured on AAUW's blog!

link

A few years ago I was so fortunate to be among the recipients of an American Fellowship from the American Association of University Women. Recently the AAUW contacted me about being the subject for a profile on their blog that would trace how the fellowship award helped launch my career, how pregnancy has shaped my professional identity, and how my blog creates a fun outlet for creativity that ties into at least some of my research and teaching. The feature came out this week and I am so happy to share it! Check it out here.

Newest DVF acquisition

DVF Greer (with altered sleeves)

This cute Diane von Furstenberg dress was "RAOK'd" to me thanks to two generous ladies on Fashionism. One passed it along to another who passed it on to me (due to length). The style is called "Greer" and it is a shorter length wrap than the "Jessica" but still longer than "Renny." This particular Greer is a bit on the short side and runs smaller than my other one (worn here). For size reference, I am wearing a 10 which is my usual DVF wrap size. I love the vibrant print. I think it might replace Green Hearts Leaves Justin as my St. Patrick's Day wrap. And because I feel so grateful (and fortunate) for this generous gift, I definitely need to comb my closet to find something that will enable me to to RAOK-it-forward.

Favorite buys of 2011

Because my blog began as a way to document, interrogate, and contemplate my own consumption, it is only fitting that each year I reflect on the things I purchased. Here's the list from 2010. These are the ones from 2011 that stand out.

Vintage Chanel flap- This bag was found on an otherwise unassuming table in an otherwise unassuming Mon Valley resale shop. The price I paid for what ended up being an authentic bag was low enough that I still barely believe it. And at least for now I am going to keep it!

See by Chloé patchwork print dress- I coveted this dress desperately. And I thought it had sold out everywhere. The ebay gods smiled on me and one appeared in my size. It is narcissistic for me to admit, but part of why I love this dress is because it yields the most compliments!

Sheet music- Last October, I didn't share too much about how I spent my anniversary with Chris. I believe strongly that weddings are about community but anniversaries feel a bit more insular. Still, one of the things I shopped for in 2011 with the most enthusiasm and excitement was my first wedding anniversary gift to Chris. On October 9, 2011 we shared a wonderful afternoon visiting the Allegheny Observatory, where we picnicked and exchanged modest paper-themed gifts (in keeping with tradition). It was one of the sites where we took wedding photos so it felt fitting to go back on such a beautiful and auspicious day in 2011. For months I searched and searched hoping to find vintage sheet music from the Otis Redding song that marked our first dance ("These Arms of Mine"). I failed to do so in a format apart from that found within contemporary book collections. It would have been unsuitable for framing and it didn't have the history that I desired. As an alternate, I tracked down the sheet music for the last song we danced to at our reception: "Dedicated to the One I Love." Chris was so moved by the gift that we both got teary in the moment! He bought for me a beautiful reprint of a vintage travel poster advertising Brazil (where we honeymooned in 2010). We both did well with the $10 budget and "paper" themed genre constraints!

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Missoni for Target Throw Blanket- More than anything else in the Target collection, I coveted those stupid throw blankets. The ones that retailed for $40 but sold for $200+ on ebay! It felt like Christmas when I woke up one morning to find they had been restocked. Although my parents technically gifted this to me for the holidays, I did make the purchase on their behalf, so I am counting it. They are so plush and soft! I love the textures and colors. And how the blankets don't really show dog fur the way fleece throws typically do.

Bracelets!- Although I try to minimize the impact of sale goggles and stay true to my own aesthetics, I also embraced enthusiastically 2011's "more is more" philosophy when it came to bangle jewelry. I amassed many pieces as gifts (such as those shown above) but I also purchased a few myself, including a favorite from Kenneth Jay Lane that features enameled tiger heads, interlocking.

My car- As much as I loved my Ford and as dedicated as I felt to the Focus model, my negotiation skills were not sharp enough to yield the right price on a replacement vehicle. Part of my handicap was that there were no 2011 Focus models left and I wasn't interested in any of the cars already on the Ford lots I visited. The Civic I purchased from Dean Honda was the last 2011 in the area. And armed with my mother's support (and fierce negotiating tactics) she and I managed to maneuver our way into a price I could swallow. Despite the shortage and demand for this particular vehicle, in 2011 I made my first new car purchase. It makes my commute far less stressful than it felt last year, when I was fearing constantly the impending death of my rapidly aging vehicle.

HP Touchpad- When the Touchpad went on firesale back in August, I had already felt twinges of a tablet itch. Unwilling to spend the cash on an ipad (since I had no pressing need for a tablet) I pounced on this bargain. Sure Touchpads aren't as fancy or coveted as the ipad, and the HP app catalog leaves a lot to be desired, but the potential to dual port Android with Web OS made this one of the best deals around. On the flights I've taken since acquiring it, I've become hooked. They're great for travel, games, movies, and casual web surfing.


The ones that *almost* got away- I did a good bit of ebay stalking this year and my labor yielded a number of "dresses that got away." Specifically, a few many-seasons-old MBMJ dresses, the Kate Spade Violetta shirtdress, a Nanette Lepore cocktail dress, and probably others that I am forgetting. All for fractions of what they would have cost if I hadn't waited so long!

And lastly, Travel- In January Chris and I went to New York to see Andy and Robina (and so many other buddies!). In February we headed to the Bay Area to visit Chris's family. While there we got to meet Tien and Anjali and catch up with Fred and Sara, two Pittsburgh ex-pats. We also headed north a bit to see Napa for the first time. In March, I went to Chicago for a conference but also caught up with my friend Zack. In June I went to New Orleans with a close gal pal. In July Chris and I drove to Maine with Speck in tow. In August, my family treated all of us to a beautiful vacation at the Delaware shore. In November I went back to New Orleans for a conference. And in December, I went to St. Lucia. Typing it all up is an embarrassment of riches. I feel so fortunate to have traveled as frequently as I did in 2011. I doubt 2012 will be as productive in this regard. So I value especially the opportunities I had to see far away friends and family, make memories with loved ones, and experience both new and old (but beloved) places.

I am so grateful for 2011 as it was on the whole, a wonderful and exciting time in my life. I will look back fondly as I look forward with enthusiasm and hope for a even more exceptional 2012. I hope 2012 promises you great buys, delicious foods, fantastic and lasting memories, and a lot of luck for all of those that you love! Please be safe and enjoy this NYE!

Wherein I share my greatest score

Vintage candles (not the greatest score but fun)

I have posted before about gratitude. And I've documented my good luck in the past. This time of year it seems important especially to count blessings and be grateful. I feel a little silly sharing this story of material serendipity when so many are in need. During the holiday season it seems appropriate instead to focus on giving back. But my blog began as a way to archive consumerism and catalog deals. For that reason, it is only fitting that I share one of my more epic and atypical scores.

When I returned from my conference trip to New Orleans (which I will post about when things are less busy to share professorial conference fashions), I headed to my parents' house to spend time with them during Thanksgiving week. I was eager to catch up with my siblings and help my mom with preparations for the holiday season.

One afternoon while I was out running errands, I stopped into my favorite hometown antique store. Monongahela and New Eagle have many of them along Main Street. And they are treasure troves of old furniture, books, costume jewelry, and vintage glassware.* This time of year I like to peruse the  holiday decor to find small gifts and seasonal trinkets.

This particular shop (called Big Harry's) is run by my now-retired third grade schoolteacher. It is located in a converted house near the river with a detached shed and porches stuffed to the gills with wares. Once you get inside you have to be careful because of all the fragile goods. Room by room, there are interesting things to be found in every corner, from the floor to the ceiling and tucked into drawers and cabinets. I browse this store methodically, trying to take it all in as best I can.

On this trip I was hoping mostly to find small, thoughtful extras to put in stockings or with requested gifts. There were many other browsers so I found myself feeling a little claustrophobic. I took sanctuary upstairs. I found a room decorated with antique hand mirrors and silver plated vanity trays, full of women's clothing, linens, and accessories. In the corner I spotted a stack of handbags on a table. As I got closer I noticed that they seemed to be of nicer quality leather. And a few were recognizable brands. Being a purse nerd, I could discern that many of them looked authentic. And buried among the fray I spotted a shiny gold chain strap attached to a lambskin leather bag, quilted with such precision and care that my heart began to quicken. I turned it over to see the iconic interlocking of Cs that could only mean one thing: Chanel.

Chanel or perhaps one of its many impersonators. Surely something so fancy couldn't be real for its tagged price (the cost of Chinese take out for two).

The mining town where I grew up is beautiful in its own humble, "SWPA rust belt," post-industrial sort of way. It is only an hour from where I live now. And I love going there to watch the leaves turn color during the fall. I'd stack the fiery orange summer sunsets up against those found in the most glamorous, expensive, and exotic locales worldwide.** I'd defend it fiercely to critics and outsiders because my sense of place when I am "home" looms large. When we learn the depth (and even irrationality) of Leslie Knope's love for Pawnee on Parks and Recreation, my throat chokes up because I relate. Still, one thing the Mon Valley is not is fancy. Sure there are some nicer houses and beautiful scenery. It has a great deal of history and hefty helpings of small town pride. Like most places, there are people who live more comfortably than others, for whom the exodus of stable, blue collar, union jobs didn't hark forward the difficulty that many Mon Valley residents now face. But the majority of people in my home town would balk at the thought of spending more than the cost of a nice, sit-down, paper napkin dinner on something as silly as a handbag. And with good reason. As much as I might personally adore and collect handbags, even I recognize that there is something  frivolous innately about spending a lot of money on an object that... holds your money.

So the possibilities of: (1) a New Eagle/Mon City resident owning Chanel but (2) caring so little about the funds invested to procure such a bag that they'd (3) give it to their local resale shop with no strings attached was a bit far-fetched. And my inner pragmatist took hold. After handling the bag, observing aspects of its hardware and closures, taking mental notes but no photographs, I left the store, leaving it behind.

As I headed home I had a nagging sale goggles-induced feeling of "what if?" The interior stamp had worn and my knowledge of authentication was lacking for this brand. But the leather and hardware seemed really nice for a fake. As a person who will never have the budget for Chanel (with its perpetual price increases and my not playing the lottery) I decided it might be worth doing a bit of research.

What I could remember about the bag checked out: flat head screws, the right C going over the left on top and under on bottom, another pair of C's stitched onto the inside flap, vintage maroon interior leather, etc. Still some details worried me and others I plum forgot. The flap had a pointy button snap closure, rather than twist lock. The quilting, though centered and aligned, was only on the front and back of the bag. It didn't extend around the bottom and up the sides. It was a single, not double flap with no exterior back pocket. The chain looped through an interior leather strip rather than via grommets. And the hologram, the authenticity card with serial number, and the "made in france/italy" stamps were no where to be found.

That nagging feeling persisted. So I went back to the store with little to lose. I spoke a bit with my former teacher who assured me it was real. She said the woman who brought it in "only buys the best." I wondered about who that woman might be. What did she do? Where did she live? Did I know her? Why did she get rid of Chanel without recouping funds on the resale market? There were so many questions but I wished to preserve my reputation as 'Jessica, the thoughtful former third-grader, daughter-of-another-schoolteacher from New Eagle.' It kept me from prying. Though I believed that she believed it was real, I was still skeptical. I bought the bag anyway. I figured that the worst case scenario (in which I bought a fake bag) had me still supporting her charming store.

When I got to my parents' house I set it aside, still wrapped in the plastic "thank you" tote with its hand written resale shop receipt. I didn't look at it again until after Thanksgiving. I had fun eating and laughing with family. And I tried to suppress my obsessive tendencies when it comes to these sorts of situations. It was worth the price of a fake bag to know that it would be there for me to pour over once I had the free time.

On Thanksgiving night, after three dinners with three families, I unpacked my belongings and changed into comfy clothes. And finally, with skepticism I looked at the bag. I used a flashlight to really examine the interior. The lining seemed sticky especially within the interior zip pocket. Parts of the pocket wouldn't even open because of the stickiness. When I was researching one of the vintage bags I saw was pictured with a card smothered by deteriorated leather lining. Without one of the major methods of authenticating (card, Chanel stamp, "made in ___," or hologram) it was as good as fake. The wise women of The Purse Forum wouldn't be able to ease my uncertainty without more clues. So I dug around forcefully. I hoped to find the residue of a hologram or something that gave me peace. Eventually I felt a raised rectangle shape embossed onto the inside zip pocket. I ran my fingernail around the edge and it came loose. Upon further inspection it wasn't attached or embossed at all. I was able to unearth something the size of a credit card but covered in black tar. I scraped it a bit ruining my nails in the process but after a little elbow grease, I saw this:

By now it was the wee small hours of Black Friday and I wanted to start squealing. I don't even know why because I am not a Chanel person. I guess the thrill of realizing that my instincts were correct and the rarity of scoring something so costly for so little were enough to provoke material enthusiasm. The next day I photographed the relevant details to make a post in the Authenticate This Chanel thread on TPF. Sure enough, it was deemed real. And similar bags were selling on ebay for more than $1k. So. Ridiculous.

I know nobody likes a braggart but this was a Fashion Hunters caliber find and now my dilemma becomes what to do with it. Part of me wants to keep it because even if it isn't my style it is classic. I will never be able to throw the money at (even vintage) Chanel. And I enjoy deal mythos enough that the bag feels like my personal trophy. But really, who couldn't use the potential ebay flip profits on something more practical? And my flip could support more than just support a local shopkeeper. I could make a donation to the Washington Mission AND buy something pretty/fun. My inner pragmatist is nagging but my inner materialist wants to keep it!

Anyway, if you read all of this you deserve a medal for your attention span! I mostly wanted to catalog it for my own consumerism archives. But I also want to remind you that if you are feeling lucky there is still time to enter my Shabby Apple Dress Giveaway! Entering is easy. And you can do so multiple times!

*Seriously, if you are in the Pittsburgh area, do not underestimate the secondhand offerings of Washington County.
 ** As an adult, I learned that it is the residue of mill and mining pollution that produces the unique orange hue cast upon the puffy summer clouds. Makes me worried about what the Shale drilling will do to the ecosystem, long-term.