Self-image in the reflection of my daughter

As I continue to recover from pregnancy and birth, I find myself feeling surprisingly positive. My body has changed for sure. I accept that it (much like life) will never be the same in ways both positive and negative. That was a part of the deal struck when my partner and I decided to plan our family. But it's hard to be overly critical of a body that grew, birthed (albeit with interventions), and nourished my healthy baby girl. It's hard also to harbor the same mixed feelings about my physical appearance -- those ones that plagued me as an adolescent and early post-adolescent -- when everyone says that baby girl looks just like me. She has such a sweet, lovable, curious face. Her face  indeed resembles my own baby photos closely. I cringe at the thought of her being hard on herself about her looks as she matures. And when I think about the overly critical, appearance-obsessed world in which she will grow, I worry.

There was and still is something validating about the fact that my younger sister and I look so alike. Even though I can be hard on myself, I think she's gorgeous. And I feel the same way about my daughter. My heart breaks at the thought of her or my sister being so self-critical. So why should I be  hard on myself? It sets a bad example and it just doesn't add up! It also makes me wish I hadn't put my own parents through the ringer with my own adolescent self-criticism. The idea that Emilia might someday find fault with a visage that I find so beautiful is kind of devastating.

The outfit above was my trying out options for Valentine's Day. Although the wrap fits, I know it would look way better if I steamed it and put it on over tights. It's too cold to wear it sans tights anyway and even though I'm 10 weeks postpartum I still really like the added support from control top. Still, trying stuff on without Spanx helps me keep perspective on where my body is at the moment. 

Outfit details:
DVF Greer in spring shadows print
Bravado tank underneath
MBMJ pumps
RedEnvelope necklace (c/o)

Favorite Outfits of Pregnancy

For me, 2012 was most memorable because of Emilia. Even before her arrival, my life began changing in ways both large and small. Dressing a transitioning body was just one of the mundane aspects of change.

Outfitting my pregnant body was challenging because I couldn't rely on emphasizing my waist... at least not in the same manner to which I was accustomed. Here are some of my favorite pregnancy ensembles:

As I look at some of my belly photos (see them on my pregnancy and parenthood blog) and pregnancy ensemble posts I feel a lot of amusement and nostalgia. I think it's very funny that I legitimately believed I was visibly pregnant at like 16 or even 12 weeks. Unless outsiders were scrutinizing my body with the same level of intensity reserved for female celebrities, I just looked like I had a big lunch. Sure, my body was changing. But visibly pregnant to strangers, I was not. And my wardrobe reflected that. Until I got to the third trimester I could mostly avoid maternity clothes because stretchy fabrics and empire waist maxi dresses were everywhere last summer. Some of my maternity pieces became fast favorites and I already lament no longer having my prominent bump to fill them (as silly as that might sound...). I am still wearing a few of them particularly when they are nursing friendly. I will be writing about that soon enough. Nursing-friendly wardrobes might be even more difficult to assemble than maternity wardrobes!

Anyway, Happy New Year and thank you so much for reading in 2012!

Maternity Brand Reviews: Annee Matthew

While visiting A Mother's Boutique in Wexford, I had the chance to try a number of "wear now and later" maternity brands that lengthen the longevity of one's transitional wardrobe. Annee Matthew is a brand with which I was previously unfamiliar. But I really adored this simple black dress. It could easily be accessorized for work or going out. And it was so so soft. I tried on a large and it was an excellent fit that allowed room to grow so I would say this brand runs true to size. The ruffle trim at the bottom adds special details to an otherwise simple, classic shape. And like all the clothing in the store, it is nursing-friendly. The neckline pulls down to enable breastfeeding.

For the price, the fabric was of a high quality while being extremely comfortable. I also have learned at this point in my pregnancy that if you are having one of those bad body image days that feel intensified because of the extra feelings (as I lovingly call them), then a simple black dress can really bring a sense of confidence and comfort. Of course, the brand's offerings go beyond simple black dresses. And the best part is that many Annee Matthew styles are available in extended sizes (up to 3X). You can read the back story of Annee Matthew by visiting the brand's page on the Mother's Boutique website.

Shape of a Century

I've been thinking a great deal about my own changing shape as a result of these final days of pregnancy and noticed some similarities to the above iconic line drawings.

I'm currently teaching a class on the history of advertising in America and we just wrapped a unit on the glamour industries who marketed beauty and fashion to women in the twentieth century. As an introduction to the unit (during which we read Joan Jacobs Brumberg and Kathy Peiss) I went over some iconic decade-specific trends in clothing that, according to Brumberg encouraged women to prioritize (or turn into "projects"/works in progress) specific parts of their bodies based on what was emphasized as most desirable. It was interesting to take students from the "trends" of the Gilded Age all the way through the emergence of bikinis and bare midriffs.

One of my favorite aspects of the subjects I teach is that process of defamiliarization, during which the masked ideological curriculum embedded into the mundane or the taken-for-granted can be revealed through a process of historiography. To expose that ideological power can be amplified via perceived innocuousness and has purpose as well as influence is as challenging as it is rewarding. We talked about the Gibson Girl, the flapper, military influences on clothing, the New Look, mini skirts, and more. So when I came upon this infographic from the UK brand, Marisota, I had fun comparing their abbreviated history of how notions of beauty have shifted with fashion and popular culture to my own visual lecture presentation. You can see it Marisota's infographic well as their accompanying narrative after the jump.

OMG I can button my coat! (well, one of them)

Late last winter when Pittsburgh's Saks Fifth Avenue turned their closing sale into a company consolidation sale, it was bittersweet. Consumers reaped the discounted benefits of brands and merchandise that would have otherwise never been offered in our local store. And I certainly took advantage of the deals. But soon after, I planned and was successful in becoming pregnant, leaving  some of the pieces I purchased during the final sale days still unworn.

But one specific purchase has become a non-maternity maternity superstar, proving to be even more useful than I could have imagined! My Burberry Brit coat is warm and comfortable with an easy, relaxed shape. Somehow, even at 35 weeks it still buttons! I am so glad because the weather has taken a turn for the very cold and although I usually feel like a human oven, I to have a coat for when the temperatures dip into the 30s.

I wore this yesterday to campus and then to a late night dinner date with Chris. It kept me warm and relatively dry through the ongoing rain. Although I didn't pick it intending to have a versatile non-maternity outerwear option for maternity times, it has become just that. And with only five weeks left, I'm so glad I don't have to buy anything else for my temporary wardrobe. Thank goodness for the inverse pleat in the back that enables both its tent shape when I'm not pregnant and its flexibility to fit my belly in my current state!

**As an aside, my mom who reads here and on Consuming Parenthood has implored me to remove the clutter from my mirror photos and ... I promise would if I could. For these shots, I am in what will be the nursery and it is currently bursting with the incredible generosity of our families and friends who showered us with so many gifts. Until we set up the crib (hopefully this weekend) and finish removing the other pieces of furniture that are in there, the organization process is stalled. So please excuse the clutter and mess! Sometimes life in anticipation of great change gets especially cluttered and messy. And that's ok. Also, hi mom! :) 

Quick Primary Colors OOTD

I wore this to campus to teach. Fluttering Flora has been a staple of my "Pregnant in Anthropologie" wardrobe because I bought the gray gently used via ebay, early into pregnancy. I was excited to see the deep sale cuts to the dress and nabbed it in blue. I paired it with fall versions of primary colors and am surprised and glad it still worked, despite the size of my belly.

Click to check in on my week by week belly shots.

Outfit Details:
Fluttering Flora dress from Anthropologie
J. Crew Factory Rosette cardigan (similar)
Wolford tights (buy them here or here)
Ferragamo Varina flats in Oxblood (buy them here or here)
Redraven Studios bib necklace; Kors watch (here or here); Linea Pelle studded wrap bracelet

BTW, I have been having some issues with Disqus commenting and apologize if you have tried to comment without success and/or had your comment eaten by this unfortunately buggy comment client. I've been told the issue is resolved but I am still contemplating a return to Blogger since it now allows replies. Thanks for bearing with me!

See you in September (2013)!

As the weather cools the blogosphere is rumbling with enthusiasm over fall.  I too find the changing season to be exciting. Who doesn't love apples and pumpkins and sweater weather? But without my favorite wardrobe standbys to turn to, I expect this fall will feel decidedly different. Not better or worse, per se. Just different. Although I won't be able rotate through my usual fall wardrobe I also know that as a consummate sap, I will come to feel a great deal of nostalgia for what promises to be a very pregnant fall. Just as I already feel a lot of nostalgia for this time of year in 2010, during the lead up to my wedding date. Both periods came with anxieties of anticipation over all the various "unknowns." But ultimately the stress created from my anticipations remains a happy variety, with optimism over the changing shape of life to come. So while I might feel a lot of uncertainty over how my life will change once I am a parent, I look forward to it. One of the most important lessons I've learned from my family and my parent friends is that love multiplies. It doesn't divide and is not finite.

Philosophically, it seems fitting that fall's inescapable tropes of bounty and harvest correspond closely with the expansion of my and Chris's household. The reality of our scenario change in going from two to three is impending. And I still have so much more to do. But when I'm feeling frivolous, I go through my outfit photo archives to try and envision how I will wear some of my favorite pieces with a child in tow... assuming I am able to fit into them again someday!

Professorial Pregnancy part 2

I've tried to approach my pregnancy wardrobe with practicality and caution. It makes little sense to invest in a massive amount of money into attractive and yet temporary clothes. But logistically and as a person who works outside of the home, I need clothes that fit, that are comfortable, and that allow me to maintain some sense of visual academic professionalism expected by my students, colleagues, and supervisors. Thankfully, an academic professional context is fairly forgiving and I didn't need to acquire a rotation of maternity suits or traditional business clothing.

I knew all along I would need to buy actual maternity clothing. My Pregnant in Anthropologie series has been fun to execute, particularly during the second trimester and a few pieces still work for me at this stage. But my body didn't start off so "small" in the sense that I ever hoped or expected to forgo "maternity" clothes entirely. I admire those who can with the help of their own creativity, but I also think the possibility of pulling off a maternity-clothing-free pregnancy is body specific. And it is out of the control of the individual because every body adapts to pregnancy differently.

Accumulating some attractive pregnancy clothing wasn't something I expected to enjoy, despite my penchant for shopping. I resented the notion of spending on temporary clothing because I believed that "maternity clothes" were automatically not attractive. Thankfully, I was mistaken! I have managed to locate a number of pieces, designers, and boutiques that still feel very much in the style of pre-pregnant me.

Now that I'm in the third trimester, my body speaks of this pregnancy on my behalf. It announces itself to the world before I have a chance to confirm or deny. It needs no hand-on-belly "tell" for people familiar with what I looked like pre-pregnancy to understand what is happening.  This nonverbal announcement preceded by that period of "in between," can feel liberating for some. But I never forget that it is also separate and distinct from my own voice. And when you are a part of a smaller campus community, the fear is that your body will become fodder for gossip.

So far I haven't experienced much negativity with regard to my pregnancy but I have at times disliked the lack of control I have over this stage of visual "announcement." My maternity clothing has helped me to continue to feel like myself amid significant physical and emotional changes. So although I might have been able to get by with less by repeating much more, I am glad to have shopped carefully to secure deals on everything I've acquired.

To clarify, I will indeed be repeating my maternity pieces with some frequency, but I also need to admit that I've acquired more maternity clothing than I initially thought I would ever buy. This is due in part to gifts, sales, and stackable promotions at both mass and boutique retailers.  But I would be kidding myself to deny that the lack of control I've felt over my body's transitions has influenced my desire to shop, at times for retail therapy purposes. Clothing for me has always been a venue for exerting relative control amid otherwise stressful or challenging circumstances. My pregnancy has been normal and healthy but it is still a relatively new, disorienting, and temporary state. I don't necessarily recommend this method of coping, especially if there's not room in an ever-tightening budget, after all expanding one's family can be quite costly! But my maternity wardrobe budget has remained a lot smaller than what I have spent on myself in previous sale cycles and my partner and I are saving with even more aggression than usual, in anticipation of what's to come.


Although I dedicated discretionary funds toward temporary clothing, I do expect that many of these pieces will transition nicely into postpartum times. A number of the items are nursing-friendly. And at this point (other than a pair of cords) I don't expect I will need much else to get me through the rest of my pregnant experience. I'm glad to have pieces that enable me to still feel like myself while I'm in front of a classroom or attending committee/faculty meetings. Even if I look different from the outside and feel different on the inside, having maternity-friendly clothes with which to assemble professorial outfits permits me to maintain my professional self-esteem. For working moms-to-be, that absolutely is value-adding.

Outfit details:
Maternal America scoop neck dress with floral tie waist
Wolford tights (which are surprisingly belly-friendly!)
Giuseppe Zanotti flats (current season version is sans captoe)
Kors watch

Emphasizing the shape of things

When the Bailey 44 column dresses were finally seeing markdowns at Anthropologie (cap sleeved here; tank here; scrolled here), it was just too hard to resist. I ordered what was available that seemed like it could fit a pregnant body without factoring in that 1. I don't really wear BRIGHT RED and 2. I don't really know if I want to "show" that much of myself. Being pregnant gives some women more body confidence than ever before because the body is doing remarkable things. But for me, on many of my more emotional days, my body feels unrecognizable. When your wardrobe is cultivated to emphasize a relatively small waist (the way the bulk of my pre-pregnancy clothes are), it can be a little disorienting to watch your waist change so much in such a relatively short time frame.

So in many ways, my Bailey 44 buy was an experiment. Incidentally, I was able to track down one of the purple versions which I tried and reviewed a while ago. But the red went back. I'm too much of a wallflower to pull it off, pregnant or not. We'll see if I wear the purple while my stomach continues to grow. If not, I am confident it will be a great piece for next fall!

BellaBlu Maternity OOTD

While I had a bunch of favorite brands pre-pregnancy, none of them really offered much in the way of maternity clothing. Occasional partnerships between DVF and a mass maternity chain gave me something to hunt for on ebay (as the retail prices were still too steep to justify) but overall I felt like I was starting my wardrobe research from scratch.

There's a learning curve to this new-to-me genre of merchandise and figuring out fits and quality standards for each brand has proved difficult when there aren't many brick and mortar options. Thankfully, a number of online boutiques offer detailed information about the brands they carry, easing the burden of building a work-appropriate maternity wardrobe.

BellaBlu Maternity is one such boutique. They carry lots of special, occasional, and professional maternity clothing in addition to plenty of casual maternity and nursing friendly pieces. A number of designers are stocked there with baby bags, baby clothes, and nursery items rounding out the selection.

In exchange for providing an honest review of my customer experience, they gifted me the above dress (called Iron Gate) by the maternity designer, Olian. For reference, I am wearing a large and find the fit below the bustline to be very forgiving. The fabric is comfortable and stretchy. I love this dress for its 60s-inspired graphics, the mixed print bib and hem details, and the flattering tie-waist. This dress is in the running to be what I wear to one of my baby showers! It feels very me in the pre-pregnant sense because so many of my favorite dresses of all time mix graphic prints. In my experience, I found BellaBlu to be a fantastic one-stop spot for discerning customers in the family way. Ground shipping (which for me, was lightening fast!) is a flat fee and they offer a 14 day return policy (with some wiggle room, as stated on their site).

Bonus bump shot:

Outfit details:
Iron Gate Maternity dress by Olian (c/o Bellablu Maternity)
Hue tights
Nine West pumps

Designer Maternity Brands Reviewed: Part 1 (More of Me Maternity)

 

The most frustrating thing about dedicating one's ancillary budget toward maternity clothing is that you know its use-value is temporary. My typical rationale of evaluating the "cost-per-wear" really goes out the window if the period of time during which I can wear something is constrained by biology. But knowledge of the impracticality of an "investment" pregnancy wardrobe doesn't mean I don't want to look like myself just as being pregnant doesn't mean I've stopped caring about clothes.

I've tried to make a lot of non-pregnancy clothes work with mixed results. Sadly, my favorite tent dresses that I had hoped would still fit became too short once a belly was "Winnie-the-Poohing" everything upwards. But jersey knits have been fantastic. Do I think I can command a classroom wearing cotton t-shirt maxi dresses from the Gap? Not really. And definitely not for an entire semester. So in my final days of summer break, I began cobbling together a "pregnant professor" wardrobe to ease my anxieties about being in front of a bunch of post-adolescents with a visible bump. So far, things have gone well. I didn't anticipate how much more easily I would feel out of breath while lecturing and moving around. But I think I look the part of prof through my occasional huffs and puffs.

Recently, Amazon has been running decent clearance sales on some fancy maternity clothes that seem campus-friendly. I also happened to have a 20% off clothing coupon (given when you opt in to receive their clothing emails), so with free Prime shipping and free returns the risk of ordering some new duds seemed low. I picked some clothes from a variety of unfamiliar but supposedly reputable maternity designers. I will be going through each brand in separate posts over the next few days and hope it isn't too much drudgery for the non-pregnant crowd. I put the first review of the above dress under a cut for that reason.

The one really good thing about maternity clothes being a temporary necessity is that A LOT of people sell off what they bought on ebay or in consignment stores once they are done with pregnancy. So there are deals to be found if you are willing to search the secondhand marketplace in addition to sale stalking.

A caveat*: of course everyone "carries" differently so my suggestions regarding the periods of time during pregnancy when these garments will be useful will vary depending on your own belly. I am currently in the beginning of my third trimester of pregnancy. The dresses I am keeping are ones that I believe will fit me through parts of the third trimester and into postpartum (nursing) times.

Masking vs emphasizing

Although the option to mask my growing belly decreases with every passing week, there are still some clothes that make it less apparent. The above is not one such example and that is fine with me.   On Thursday at the farmer's market when I was wearing this outfit, I had the first person (a neighbor) notice the change in my shape enough to ask without trepidation when I am due. So that was exciting in its own way.

Even though I don't like for my body to broadcast messages absent from my voice, the reality of nonverbal communication is that clothing worn on the body will often do that already. It also follows that in this celebrity-bump-watch-obsessed world, similar notions about bodies in transition would trickle into the everyday and mundane to cause the development of a pronounced stomach (where there was once a visible waistline) to yield speculation.

I am really lucky that I've yet to have bold strangers attempt or ask to touch my stomach. Family have asked which is fine with me. But no strangers and no friends so far. I also know that when the weather cools, layers will add additional possibilities to a masking repertoire, should I want one. But of late I haven't really tried to mask anything.

BTW, you can always check in on my expanding waistline and weekly belly shots here.

Details:
St. Johns Bay kimono maxi dress (gift from my mom who generously treated me to a bunch of pregnancy-friendly clothes last week. This one is SO comfy! Note that it is not a maternity dress but works great as one) (here it is in another print)
Chloé zipper flats (similar zipper flats here and here)

Missing my former favorites

It is fruitless to lament the loss of my pre-pregnant body, especially when I have no way to anticipate how/where things will wind up, post-partum. But I do miss my "regular" summer clothes. If it is hard now, the fall might be impossible! And I am not even a person who really likes summer clothing.

Here are some examples of what I would be wearing if my stomach didn't protrude more and more, each day:

Hopefully my enthusiasm for these pieces will provide incentive to return to some semblance of what I regard to be my "normal" (imperfect, curvy, but confident in my own skin). I didn't anticipate having my body image complicated by pregnancy but I also didn't realize how destabilizing it would feel to surrender control to the space of (necessary) body transitions. Don't get me wrong. I am happy that my body is doing what it needs to, in order to accommodate a developing fetus. But I would be denying my own (admitted) vanity to feign complete ambivalence. Are there any "been there, done that" folks who felt similarly?